Posted by: guinness222 | April 14, 2006

Middle East Solution

Ok, all the waiting is over, I have single handedly figured out how to solve the entire Middle East situation as well as make life in the good old US of A revert back to God, Country, and Mom’s apple pie.

Phase I – We politely “ask” Iran, Iraq, Saudia Arabia, Jordan, and Syria (oh hell, throw in Israel too) to resolve all thier differences and “get it all together” or willingly ask for our help within the next thirty days or we will unleash the mother of all cultural “bombs” at every major city in the middle east. When asked to explain what the “mother of all cultural bombs” is our reply should be a severe bodily “shudder” and a beyond firm, “I really can not disclose it nor even provide you a clue, but I assure you it will devastate your entire society, regardless of any form of religion, ethnicity, or level of wealth,….you just have to trust me on this!”

Phase II (to be enacted the morning of the 31st day after the polite request phase) All “hip-hop”, rappers, and ‘gangsta” types throughout the United States are given free tickets to a “star studded FREE Rave begining in Bagdhad and moving every day to a different city in the Middle East with FREE travel between cities included. All takers should assemble at thier nearest United States Air Force Base, no passports, visa’s, or ID required for immediate first class transport to “beautiful down town Bagdhad”.

Phase III (occurs about thirty days or sooner after the “RAVE” begins)
U.S. Navy Seabee’s, the Army corps of Engineers, all University Psychologist graduates,and all off duty English teachers land in Bagdhad to begin infrastructure renewal, “English as a primary language” courses, and grief counseling for shattered psyches.

If Phase II is effective we should be welcomed with open arms, enjoying great hospitality, and have the undying gratitude of all nation of nations for learning the peaceful utilization of the “ultimate weapon” and it’s deployment with out the loss of a single sea turtle or otherwise endangered species being hurt.
Based on the “rapper depletion ratio” as documented daily on CNN we will be the HEROs!

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