Posted by: guinness222 | August 22, 2006

It’s getting close!!

I’m talking about a couple of things here. (Sorry, the mind is a bit fractured this week) Well let me back up a bit. I’m a very ordinary man, so why is my f#######g computer giving me shit! My little virus program “icon” which comes up in the bottom right of the screen with all the other little funky icons is behaving like a rabbit in heat chewing cases of viagra! I just looked down and there are probably twenty something of the same stinking little red “M” in the little white box. I put my mouse on one and they start disappearing, I move my mouse away and they start popping up again! AND yesterday the damn machine starts telling me I do not have a “genuine” copy of windows on my machine. I tried to get another program from the happy company, McAfee, and got an invoice saying “this is your receipt”, the system says to click here to download it, which I do, it goes through all it’s gyrations and says it’s all done, then what happens? A little window pops up and says I may not be protected “click here”, so I do, the screen says my computer files and e-mail are not protected click the “fix” button to correct this, so I do, then the little box opens and tells me “one or more problems can not be fixed becasue of an error” so what’s next? Uninstall and re-install. What? everything. So first I’ll uninstall the damn virus program, then download the new one I bought, noooo! “McAfee can not be completely uninstalled” (Who’s running this F******G computer McAfee or Me?
If I tell you to strip and go naked you damn well better do it, I am the operator, the big kahuna, the boss, the guy who pays for the electricity you consume, the hand that feeds you, the pimp who keeps you in a fresh supply of sexy new pieces of hardware and software to use and abuse, but you are forgetting the prime directive…..”DO WHAT I TELL YOU!!!!
There was a time when I would piddle and play with it and eventually get it fixed, but that was then and this is now. I’m too damn busy! Two jobs (thank God only two and a half weeks left on the old one), coming into the EXTREME busy season of the new job (more on that when I open another bottle of wine and start to feel reallllly behind the eightball), an overwhelming desire to just strangle the shit out of someone just because (attention FBI e-mail reader program, we are talking hypothetical, words used for emphasis, please read my comments to Sarah Michelle in Perth regarding my personal convictions on terrorist and random killing of human beings for verification of my stability. Thank you!)
I guess I’ll be needing a short vacation, away from my high tech toys, away from the oppressive humidity, away from the idiots on the weather channel shitting green bricks about a thunderstorm off the coast of Africa and starting the subtle “gloom and doom” of the world of “eyewall speeds”, dropping barometric pressure curves”, and of course the ultimate “put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye” comment to raise the hysteria level about six giant clicks, “An Air Force reconnaisnace flight will be investigating later this afternoon”
Oh and if all this crap ain’t bad enough the Boston Red Sux (oops! Freudian typo!) have begun thier slide into the bowels of the basement in the tables, losing FIVE games in a row to the New York Yankee’s. Man ther just ain’t nuthin working good around here! Oh and my last little green blood pressure pill is sitting in the jar, so that means I have to go and confront the wonderful world of the pharmacy again! Talk about an evil place!! Every time I have to go and get a prescription for my wife, or something for myself I can’t help but listen to the bored clerk just slinging the little white bags up on the counter with the automatic little voice prompt “And do you have any questions for the pharmacist today?” “Yes I do, why the fuck am I paying all this money for this shit and it’s been on the market for three thousand fucking years, haven’t you idiots paid off the R&D costs yet?”
Every once in a while I get the “happy” phamacists assisstant who smiles and tell me to look at how much I’ve saved with my insurance prescription card. You want to talk “saved” how about three fingers of Jack Danials and call me in the morning! That works too and one day you just miss the wakeup call forevermore!
Well I feel a little better, having ranted appropriately for a while. Time for another cup of coffee, beating on my computer some more, then off to the wonderful world of telling the old farts who bought cheap condo’s and can’t afford to insure them anymore that they have no choice, just go knock off a little convienence store, or three or four, and come across with the money by the twenty-second or we’ll slap a lien against you. (God it was more fun tying the gorgeous young blonde virgin to the railroad tracks and twisting the ends of my waxed little moustache and chortling with glee, than threatening these nasty ass senior, seniors. They may be old but they are vicious!!


  1. Oh dear, what a rant!

    Actually I’m having a laugh at your comments about pills – I’m a pharmacist.

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