Posted by: guinness222 | September 20, 2006


That was time, God it just flys by like a rocket!
I don’t have enough time for a full blog (OK, I heard that “Thank God!”), but I wanted to dash off a few lines.
A few blogs ago I wrote about “the pit”, a/k/a my computer room. Well I finally got it cleaned up,…sort of. Still got to move a couple bookcases, change the location of a file cabinet, etc., but I did make a marvelous discovery that the “desk tops” actually were not made of piled up papers,.. it just seemed like it.
Men like to “celebrate” what we consider “major accomplishments”. (OK, so any excuse to buy a new “guy toy”!) In honor of cleaning up the pit, I decided that the size and weights of some of my computer components were just huge and bulky, and (using male logic again here so bear with me) if I were to reduce the physical size and weight,well… then the pit would forever stay neat and organized!! (What? You have a hard time with logic?)
So after my second glass (or as the wife calls my “special wine glass”, “the Bucket”, I remember passing over a Dell catalogue, so I began to thumb through it and look for ways to make my computer room more “effiecient”.
“HHHmmmmm!, if I got rid of the huge albatross TV moniters, and replaced them with the light efficient and super flat panel screens,….yes, …now where is that toll free telephone number for Dell.
Yep, I found it, dialed it, and why is it no matter what you want, and no matter how damned disciplined you try and be about the whole thing,…does ONLY the item you ask about seem to be the “Oh wait a minute here,..I see we are having a super special, clearance discount, preferred buyers only , “thank you offer”,.. would you like me to tell you about it? ( Sort of like the old, “Would you mind if I slipped into something a little more comfortable,…like skin?”) You know it’s already over so how much and when will it be delivered!
Now as a happily married dude for almost forty years the first thing that happens is you have a flashback to a role reversal shot of an old “I love Lucy” episode, where for whatever reason Ricky Ricardo comes home and in his Cuban accent says, “Luceee, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!”
(Oh yeah, the wife will be at home when the delivery guy comes this week. Good news, I’ll be at the office. She’ll get a bit cranked up, probably call me with a “What is this thing from Dell, do you really think you need another ‘TOY’?” (Becasue we don’t have camera phones yet she won’t see the wicked smirk on my face as I say “What thing from Dell?” folled by a very pregnant pause and then an “Oh yeah, my old moniter is blinking in and out and so I thought it might be a good time to,…oh so it came today?” (Male logic again, always end with a question, regardless of the discussion, it lies waiting to be answered, there in is the trap. If she begins to rant you simply re-direct the conversation back to your question, “So what time did they deliver it?” , again trying to control the situation, or as they say in corporate circles, “applying damage control, and spinning it a bit”. If all else fails and you (as the male) reach the dreaded conclusion that you might be a little “over the top” in terms of containment and “acceptable spin”, and perhaps it will be a very chilly evening when you get home, then you MUST pull out the Ace in the hole, the trump card, and at great personal risk, then interrupt whatever she is saying to insert the ultimate female rage and anger mode neutralizer,…”Listen, I got a little bonus and I thought I’d surprise you by taking you out to (insert name of expensive restaurant with HUGE, chocolate drowned desserts and low lighting and romatic ambience),…I already made the reservation,…I told them seven, is that ok with you?”
If there is a cool pause, you are halfway there. Wait a few seconds and then do the “Oh shit, I’ve got a call on the other line, I’ll call you back in ten minutes, then let me know if seven is ok,…love you, bye.”
IMPORTANT FOLLOW UP POINT: If you do not call back you will be in mega-deep shit, so don’t even think about going home because now you have bought “needless” toys, promised chocolate, romance, and ambiance,…and bailed, and just about added enough fuel to things to assure your butt is the main ingrediant for a bar-b-que!
Got to go, work calls and I’m ranting a bit more than I have time to today!



  1. You just gave away 40 years of husband secrets, let’s pray your wife doesn’t read here 🙂

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