Posted by: guinness222 | October 14, 2006

Ready for the weekend!

Fall is coming to Florida. I was actually a little chilly this morning for a meeting I had to attend for my job. Infact the first thing I did when I went into the room was go straight to the thermostat and turn the temerature up to 72 degrees(F.)
I’m home now,(Duh!! Where else would you be if you’re blogging stupid!) It’s about 1 iin the afternoon and I’m fighting the temptation to go to the Pub and watch a football game (it’s not a question of if I go, but when!) I’ve got another short meeting around three or four o’clock and I’d rather do that meeting and then go to the pub. Tomorrow is “Crash Program Day” you know, whip the house into line for the wife’s homecoming tuesday, sand blast the dishes in the sink, time the washer, dryer, and vacuuming so everything gets completed at once. Drag a wastebasket into the living room and sort out the mail, oh yeah, water the plants so they will stand up again and stop floppy all over the floor around the pot. (I never notice them until it’s almost too late)
I started thinking about food just now, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do for supper, in fact I don’t really have much of an appetitte right now anyway, so why was I thinking about food in the first place? Maybe I’ll take a ride to the mall and poke around a bit and see what’s new.
OH, ok , I just remembered what I was going to write about (another example of the dreaded new disease affecting our senior population,…CRS syndrome. It is a real hard thing getting old and having your spouse see the early signs of CRS forming, and even trying to discuss it with you,…but CRS can be very dibilitating, to the point of not even wanting to talk about it.
Jezzy, don’t bother with the books, and forget the medical journals, and no you didn’t miss that in school. Got your attention now? My wife discovered this ailment and actually named it. The layman’s translation is Can’t Remember Shit,…..gotcha!
Back to a lucid moment.
On my desk when she left for Boston, my wife laid a couple of pictures off the internet of ring settings with a little “baggie” withher engagement ring in it and a note on it saying “T. Don’t lose the ring! B.” Being smarter than the average bear it only took a couple of days for me to figure out she wanted her ring reset into something like in the pictures. (And she’s like trusting ME to pick out the setting and all! …now that is real trust!)
So off I go one morning this week when work reached the “escape valve needed” level, to the local jewelers. I explain my plight and he proceeds to dig out about a zillion catalogues of ring settings! It was at that point I did the honorable, manly thing.
“Look Mr. Jeweler, don’t waste your time, or mine with these, because my taste has been surgically re-attached to my foot. You got the pictures, just get me close!”
” Well sir there are so many variations, and the size and clarity of the stone, and the need to potentially balace the setting with bagettes. (Ah, I know this one, roughly translated it means “I’m going to bagette you for another couple of hundred bucks by implying the microscopic size of the diamond you are resetting needs to be enhanced so you don’t look like a cheap wanker”).
Fortunately my Blackberry alerted me to an incoming e-mail, so I turned to him and said, “Look get a couple of setting things close to these pictures, I have to deal with this incoming”
I politely walked to the other end of his shop, stared intently at my Blackberry like this was a real serious thing (actually an offer for a shitty little piece of software for $19.99, as a “valued customer”) after a few minutes I noticed he finally started to mark a couple of pages in one of the catalogues, so I went back over and said, “What do have?”
“Well I came across three that might do the trick so far.”
“Listen that e-mail I recieved I’m really pressed for time so three is as good as it’s going to get,…show me please.”
“Well sir the first one is a little ‘bolder’ and I really….”
“That’s good let’s do it, here’s my credit card, when can I pick it up?”
“But the other two sir,..”
“No need, I believe you go with your first instinct, and besides if you are any good in sales you are giving me your best shot, then going to show me a bunch more and be sure to comment negatively on everyone of them to circle us back around to this one, so let’s just do it and be done, OK?”
“Are you sure sir, I mean perhaps your wife could come in and look at the settings to see if she…”
“No way, I’m sure you’d start her out at least $500 higher and load up on the bagettes. Nope, I’ll take that one.”

Two minutes later I’m back in the car tooling up the road with his promise to call me when it is ready, but being sure to let me know he had to order the setting, and then perhaps re-size it to fit her, and maybe have to make a few other adjustments, etc.etc.etc.
Guess what, the next day, less than 24 hours even, RING, RING.
“Your ring is ready sir”
(So where is all the ordering nonsense, and the “adjustments”?)
Made him wait another day and then dropped in to pick it up. Of course the entire staff , all three of them, had been briefed to be sure and oooh, and aaah as the jeweler showed me his handiwork, and then the obligatory comments of “Oh that is so pretty sir” and the “my wife would just love that, it’s so exquisite”
Do I sound a little cynical? Naw, but guess what? My Christmas shopping is done, it’s the regular usual stuff from here on out. I don’t have to agonize over that “special” Christmas presentfor her.
Off to the races.


  1. Oh that made me laugh!!

    What a wonderful peek into the mind of a man and how he REALLY shops. I’ll have to keep that in mind and I must say… you’re wife is a freaking genius. That was the most subtle attempt at not being subtle and actually getting your point across that I have EVER “witnessed.”

    It sounds like she’s going to be quite happy when she gets home; good job, Mr. G! 🙂

  2. I found your blog through a link on Rocky Mountain Princess’ site. So far I’ve decided I’ll have to read more. I like your shopping style. I am one woman who does not like shopping very often and when i do go I get in find what I want and get out. Hope the Wife liked it!!

  3. Hmmm, I think most men suffer from CRS.

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