Posted by: guinness222 | December 10, 2006

"What’s it all about Alfie?"

Platinum kudoes for whoever can nail the songer of this one!

Well I’m back from the Christmas Party. ( I know, three blog entries in a day, it’s kind of like diarrea of the mind! Speaking of this disgusting stuff, my Doctor cornered me,…finally! When i turned fifty, 12 years ago he started with the old “you know men over fifty should have a colonoscopy every couple of years to determine if they have colon cancer” Short answer for the past 12 years, “NO FUCKING WAY!! End of discussion, …period, don’t even mention it again or I’ll start seeing the eye ear and throat dude down the hall!”
Well, my brother in law got IT(translation Colon Cancer), a good friend got IT, so at 62 I swallow my pride, take next Sunday and Monday off my schedule, and have resigned myself to some dude sticking a camera up my butt and roaming around while I’m zonked out! (For those of you who haven’t been there you have to take two days because the day before, in my case Sunday, you can just drink broth, applejuice, etc. plus take a dose of this “stuff” which requires you basically strap yourself to the “lou” and hang on while mother nature does it’s thing! Oh yeah babe, I’m really looking forward to this!!!!!
Meanwhile the Christmas party,…and slowly he turned, step by step,…
I’m not a newbie!! The under six month employees got a $50 bonus, but I’m a 6 month to a year guy, so I got $75, and everyone over a year got $100. (Having owned my own businesses for year giveing out cash bonuses is absolutely stupid! You can never pay a person what they think they deserve, so don’t wonder why nobody talks to you for two months after the “Christmas bonus”. But I know that so I’m not upset. But if you are stupid enough to share your gross sales growth in dollars and then insane enoough to say something like “and our profit this year is up over 540% thanks to you folks”,…well I guess stupidity is contagious!! Sure I have to go to work on Monday, because I have to pay my bills, but how do I reconcile your 540% increase in profit with my $75 bonus?
Oh and let’s not forget the “Company gift” to each of us,… a set of four plastic water tumblers with the Company logo between the two thermal plastic walls. “My God how did you ever guess they are just what I wanted!
The the “back-handed” comment about how expensive today’s dinner was going to be for the company. (I’m willing to bet it was not as high an increase over last year as the “514% increase in Profit”!
But I owned businesses so I can forgive all that. It’s part of the dumb owner mindset that the employees really work for the company and are as concerned as the owners! (That went out with the Hula Hoop!)
But the real “UN_FUCKIN” BELIEVABLE” was that the Company “squeezed” local vendors and company vendors to “contribute presents” for the staff at this Company Christmas party!! You talk about BALLS!! Not thier money, but an extortion gig!! “Contribute or we’ll maybe “re-evaluate” doing business with you!” Duh!!, Now that is BALLS!!
SoI get a $50 gift card to Walmart from the guy who rapes our clients for insurance and is “approved” and “Preferred” by the Company.
I had to come home and take a shower! I felt dirty!
All in all not as bad as it could have been, the food was good, the speeches the usual, and the “thank you Jesus” kept to a non-vomiting level of “suck it up sailor”.
Am I grateful for the party, sure, am I a “committed employee” for the next year, not really, but after all it is my job as of now.
Have a good evening, and remember,
Luck, Life and Love, what more do you need!



  1. Your company sounds like it is full of the typical corporate bullshit. I’m sorry you have to deal with stupid people – they always seem to travel in large groups, don’t they?

    As for the colonoscopy… well, it’s not like you’re being butt-raped if that’s what you think. My dad just had to go through one a few months back; he made jokes the whole time even though we were worried sick about him. Not to be crude and I know this kind of is… but when you’re shitting nothing but foam and water for two years, THERE IS A PROBLEM.

    It turns out that he had a severe case of Acid Reflux Disease. Nexium for a couple of months and then just over the counter acid reducers has been his regimen and he’s doing great now. You’ll have to take it easy for a day or two, but they knock you out for the procedure and it’s done before you know it. Then you get peace of mind for a year or so. I feel for ya, but the soon-to-be-in-the-medical-field side of me is saying, “suck it up, cowboy. It’s for the best!” (sorry)

    Take care and I’m glad to see you’re updating again! You’ve been missed!

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