Posted by: guinness222 | December 17, 2006

Why should I get old?

Just a crazy question. I was just wondering. You know I see folks every day all ages shapes sizes colors, and of course it’s something you just do and don’t really think ,much about it,…but maybe we should.
As most of you know by now I’m 62 in February. Big Whoop!! (sarcastically) The Government says I can now start collecting my monthly Social Security allottment becasue I’m entering the “retirement age”, and for the rest of my life they will pay this to me every month, BUT I have to stop making money, or I’ll have to include this “stipend” and pay them taxes on it! Let me back up a minute, ever since I was 14 years old they have been dipping into my paycheck every week, month, year, etc. No matter where I was (out to sea on an aircraft carrier, or sitting with my feet up on my desk listening to new age music ) but every payday they dipped a bit. Now they used to have a cap on when they stopped dipping and grabbing the 7%, and early in my career I actually would hit that cap in about September of each year, then it slid to October, then November, then December,…now? Shit I’ve not even come close to hitting the cap fo the last twenty years! So they just keep dipping all year long. The past few years they are babbling about how they ‘re going to run out of money by 2040 (Hmmmm, that will make me 95, I guess I could still pull a couple shifts at MacDonalds if I really needed to eat or wear clothes or some other stupid thing like that!)
But wait a minute what about now? Sure I can get the monthly “dole” (actually the return of my own money they been using for the last 48 years, but have to stop working and cut back my life or -pay taxes on it again? Gee dumb me I thought that’s why we pitched out old King George back in 1776 or so.
Reading the fine print I can earn up to a whooping $11,000 and still get my Social Security payment tax free, hmmm, that’s a combined total of less than $25,000 a year, now I’m no rocket scientist, but I’m going to take a pay cut of more than $20,000 to get there!
But deep in my brain lurks that little guy whose sole purpose in life is to insure the government never gets over on me, at least on a permanent basis, “ok little guy, get your ass off the couch and go to work on this one,…PRONTO!” OK, he’s on it, I’ll get back to you when he clues me in to the thought process he creates, so let’s move on.

I’m just kicking back today. Can’t have any food, nothing liquid that’s red(?) and then at 7 pm I get to take this 1.5 ounce clear plastic bottle of “Ginger Lemon” flavored “stuff” which will throw my lower intestinal track into violent spasms and result in me sitting in the “lou” with my walkman for a few hours, then I can have clear liquids up until midnight. (Shit,(oops, a very bad pun!) I think I’ll skip waiting around til midnight and just go to bed. Then at 5 am another bottle of this TNT for the intestinal track and off to the hospital for a “procedure” at 10 or 11. The little instruction sheet says it will all be over in a couple of hours, BUT, I won’t be permitted to drive myself home so bring someone with me.
Al my buddies tell me it’s painless, it’s on a workday so I get the day off, after it’s over I can eat or drink whatever I want, life is good again! So why does every one of them cringe when they mention it if it was painless, “piece of cake” and “nothing to worry about”, HUH? I’ll let you know tomorrow evening. You know me, I won’t pull any punches.

Speaking of Doctors, I guess I better get hold of a Dermatologist. While my psoriasis is “sort of under control” (that means folks stopped yelling “Leper” when I entered a room) I seem to have picked up this contact dermatitis thing on my face. It started as a couple of blotches on my cheeks just a bout where my glasses and sunglasses rested, then it started spreading. The regular Doc gave me some white “goop” in a tube that kind of knocked it down for a while, and more recently gave me this aerosol can of what looks like greasy shaving cream to slap on it (since the cream is really greasy and annoying plus the “do not use near the eyes” disclaimer is clearly going to have to be set aside. This “foam stuff” uses alcohol as a base and stings like a bastard when you put it on right after you shave, but it works, as long as I use it every day, skip one or two and BAM it’s back to looking like a stop sign with two eyeballs on it! I did learn that our “skin” is actually considered one of our seven “vital organs”, or so they say. I always sort of looked at is as like “wrapping paper”, but then again I’m not a Doctor am I?

I was reading something the otherday about them releasing the original first season of Saturday Night Live when John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Danny Ackroyd, Gilda Radner and the whole crew were on it. I’m gonna have to keep an eye out for that they were OUTSTANDING! I used to love Chevy Chases opening line, “Good Evening, I’m Chevy Chase, ..and you’re not!”

Well closing off for now, stay tuned for the adventures of a twenty-something stuck in a sixty something body and a thirty something mind. Boy what a package that must look like!! Scary huh?
-30-


Responses

  1. Yo! Princess, what happened to your blog?

  2. Pricess had to move her blog due to undesiralbes finding it. Email me at empyrean22@hotmail.com and I’ll mail you the link that way we can keep her anonimity. 😛

    Okay so I’m actually commenting today. I’ve been reading just haven’t been able to comment. Been kinda busy at work and stuff. But one question pertaining to business that screamed at me to be asked is…could your skin problem be related to your military service? I know you were a Navy man but were you ever exposed to Agent Orange? This is my job so I have to ask. If so or if there might be a link to your service you might get a hold of your local VA about filing a compensation claim if you haven’t already done so. Or I can give you the proper links to do some research and do the paperwork yourself.

    Anyway, I hope your proceedure is going well. It sounds like absolutely no fun to me. I feel for you on the lower intestinal thing. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and baby has been wreaking havoc with my digestive system. Milk of Magnesia has been my new friend/enemy. I’d rather have the morning sickness!! LOL


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