Posted by: guinness222 | June 6, 2007

"Hot time summer in the city,…back ‘o my neck getting burned and gritty"

“…all around me people on the sidewalk….”
Yeah it’s summer in Florida, the return of the indigenous “Southern Redneck” to the area once again. And it seems they are back with a vengence this year!
Some thoughts as they randomly pop into my head walking about or TRYING to drive on my roads;
“Shit, guys bathing suit could be made into at least ten of the female type worn by 12 year old Brittany wannabes!”
“At almost $3 a gallon for gasoline how does the asshole 17 year old afford to run the “monster truck” in the lane next to me with, judging by the sound and blood dripping from my ears, a stereo system which could create tsunami waves if turned up on a beach!”
“And I can’t think of anything more disgusting than some teeny boppers Mom in the string bikini with a see-through mesh beach coverup coming into the restaurant for dinner together! You lost that 15 year old figure four kids ago! Try some personal pride and dress like the 40 something year old that you are!”
“Oh,.. and let’s not forget the entire families on vacation. “please check your brains at the door, your Pastor is not here.” Rather than tables in a number of cases troughs would be more appropriate!”
“Yup! The American Medical Association was 110% correct, the majority of Americans are obese. Shit they must “roll” some of those kids around.”
“Ok, I’m an old fart, and the backwards ball caps drove me nuts, but now the cockeyed angles are even worse. I’m not sure if the retard wearing it is just stupid, auditioning for a part in the next drive by shooting in LA, or hasn’t got a clue and thinks it’s “kool”.”
“Does any manufacturer of automobiles make anything smaller than a ‘honkin” SUV or Hummer look-a-like anymore?”
“What is the thing with Oysters? They are slimey, raw, carry at least two hundred different kinds of bacteria, some of which can REALLY make you a sick puppy, and are the eqivalent of eating giant boogers! Yet these folks slurp ’em down like nothing. In fact Busters has revived an old tee shirt the sold years ago it says “Shuck’em, Suck’em,…Bark like a dog!” (Duh! How lame is that?”
“A brand new beautification program on the entire three mile strech of highway including pedestrian crosswalks, strategically placed and calulated to the inch by highly paid traffic engineers, and with new flashing strobe alerts in the road itself carefully placed to hit the oncoming vehicle drivers right in the eye and get thier attention to watch for the crossing pedestrians. Three months they’ve been in , every day I drive the road, and not once (And I am serious!) have I seen a pedestrian even step into the crosswalk, or the flashing light go off (wonder what color they are?). After that much money spent just let us locals “bag a few” stupid folks who probably think a crosswalk is some new piece of art deco sidewalk art!!
It’s time to go to work, (oops! take my high blood pressure medication first, lest I “pop” a vein just driving to my office today!)
Gotta get back in the habit of writing more often.
Sorry for the rant.

Big meeting this morning, the owner wants to discuss “contract fees” with us lowly “providers of service” (Roughly translated this is a meeting where he pisses and moans about losing money and how the rates are going to have to go up at least 25% so we better get our clients ready for the increase starting in September.) Guess the easiest way is the “client aerobics” approach. You get your entire Board of Directors together, run a particularly greuling meeting, then suggest we all need a little break and stretch period before going further. You ask them all to stand, turn around and bend over, then you quickly put the memo announcing the increase on the top of the agenda and make a motion to accept it!)



  1. I think someone needs a nice cold pint of Guinness and a thought that there are a lot of non-retarded people out there in the world.

    I’m not one of them but hey, if you squint a little I might pass muster.

    Hope you’re well Alec.

  2. Lucy,
    You are my sunshine! Sorry for the rant, but it has been a particularly “spicy” few weeks. Hope alls well with you, …hate it when you take time off, but then again I guess I do as well.

    My own damn blog and I have to enter it as “anonymous” to post!!!!

    Mr. Guinness

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