Posted by: guinness222 | August 16, 2007

Stardate 2768.6,…

Boy there are real “nuts” all around the place! For example last evening I was having a cool Guinness at my Pub and it was realatively slow. This guy two stools down from me is conversing with this “old dude” (I’m only 35, the body is wasted,…not the mind!”) Anyway the “old dude” leaves and there is me and him. I try being polite and ventured a question like, “I happened to overhear you say you were involved with comuter networking.” From there it was like a really, really scary Stephen King book. Next thing I know this dude (about thirty-something, goatee type beard, heavy metal black tee shirt, glasses thick enough to be Coke Bottle bottoms) is ranting and raving (literally!) about numbers and thier meaning, and talking in like ,..”17 is odorous, and with 16 it equals pussy, but the 99 of life is not the sequence, but the derivitive of the means, …got it?” Like right dude, I’m there, (Excuse me bartender, do we have one of those elegant long sleeve jackets where the sleeves can sort of wrap around you and be tied, the back room?)
But thank God for “blue tooth”, savior of the universe!!! You hold up one finger, point to your bluetooth earpiece, smile politely and say, “Excuse me, Incoming, and I have to take this one.” You then fake a phone call. i.e. “Damn it John I told you we could discuss this in the morning,(three second pause),…ok but let’s at least be civilized about it, now what part of the proposal do you think, “sucks”,…because I spend three days making it perfect and according to your specifications,…so what part “sucks”…” (Make a few faces, look exasperated, roll your eyes at least twice,listen intently for about twenty seconds, then look like your wife (or girlfriend0 has just been raped by Freddie Kreuger, live on national TV, puff up your chest a bit, (turn to the offending “whacko”, do the universal sign for crazy, “swirling finger around the ear”,and quietly say, “I gotta take this outside,…excuse me.” Get up and walk toward the door, uttering a few “now wait a minute, lay that one on me again!” and perhaps a “ can’t possibly even think that is even close to reality!), all the while keeping a finger on your bluetooth earpiece to let everyone know you are talking to an idiot, and you must handle it, and that universally to all of them, you apologize profusely for it interrupting thier evening.
Just like the Red Sea, they will part, let you get out, and shake thier heads in that “that poor bastard” look.
Once outside, sit down, relax, and tell one of the folks coming in, “You know I’ve been coming here a long time, but that guy at the end of the bar with the black heavy metal tee shirt,…God he’s brilliant, say hello and just enjoy his polite, yet humorous response,…God I love this place!! You meet more celebrities than any other place on the seacoast! Ooops! Don’t tell him I told you about him,…he loves his privacy, know?”
Just another lovly day in Paradise!!


  1. You are funny!

  2. Merci bien, mon cheri. Hope alls well and how is “momma” doing? Did the Big Guy get the nod to move up in the feeding chain at Ruths? And how about the muppet an assorted “pets”?
    Keep in touch.

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