Posted by: guinness222 | March 2, 2008

Oh,….another Sunday rolls by,…

Today is March 2nd, it marks the “flight of the Snowbirds” from our shores and I age a whole bunch,….quickly. Let me do the Rod Serling explanation for you,…
“Remember if you will when the notorious “snowbirds” descended on your community. Those retirees from the upper mid-west (i.e Minnasota, Indiana, Michigan,…and the dreaded Canadian Provinces) they are all on fixed incomes and have pretty much blown through thier own retirement monies, are living on Social Security, and actually save money coming down South to Florida rather than staying home, buying heating oil for thier “homes” and risking heart attacks and broken jips on ice and snow. But in everything there is a silver lining!
Even at 63 I can sit at the bar and feel like a teenager drinking my Guinness each evening on my way home. You see they ARE old,…me? Like I said a kid trapped in an aging body, but the mind of a 30 something. So during thier three months down here I actually feel younger,…but alas they are leaving March 1st through the 15th,because the rental rates quadruple in less than 12 hours! What was $800 a month last Friday is now $2400 a week!! Holy shit Batman!
So who’s paying that you ask? How about the 23 testosterone dripping sophmores from the University of Whogivesashit from one of those more Northern climates who has been freezing his ass off all winter studying,starving, and (ahem!) not really getting any because it’s too cold to think about stripping!
Daddy, the propserous Attorney, Doctor, Entrepreneur, Swindler, Rapist or otherwise wealthy dude doesn’t want the kid at home. He just got used to a “quiet” martini, a little Bach, and listening to the potted plants growing. Sooooo! You do the next best thing, you ask him if he’d like to take a couple friends and use the “beach house” for his weeks “Spring Break”! (Duh! FREE lodging, maid service twice a week, two solid fake I.D.’s in the pocket, and girls all over the joint,….sign me up!)
The “couple” of friends good old “Dad” envisioned, (the nice chemistry major with the thick glasses you roomed with, and the other roomie, Chuck or Charles or something, you know the guy who was a Theology Major) well you see Dad, Junior has a problem. To a horny college Sophmore a “couple of Buddies” means anyone who can kick in enough for the entire output of the Budweiser factory for three days, and who can “pound back” 16 Tequila shooters before Lunch, that knows of any “girls” coming in this direction.
That means starting tomorrow my favorite “Pub” will be overun with the turned around ball caps, college “Property of the University of ******” tee shirts, more “flip-flops” than there are people in China, and the “three inches below the knee baggy rappa’ wanna’ be” shorts. (See what happens? I’m aging right before your eyes as I write! Oh God, thirty more minutes and I’m off to the Pub)
Frankly the only reason I even tolerate these “future assholes of our country” is because the girls come as well. (Oh did I mention there is another prerequisite besides the Bud, the flip-flops etc. that’s inviting a few girls to join the party. You will all behave like brother and sister together for the whole week, and exercise the utmost in human self-control,…..NOT! At least not after your car is ten miles away from your driveway in Bloomington Indiana.)
The girls are good. I guess. I’m too busy using my brainpwer to figure out what law of physics hold thier clothes on, and what kind of feed them Famrma’s up there is usin’ to grow them critters that big at that age, and what kind of exercise program do they have to strengthen them enough that they can stand up and not fall over forward! The battle cry of us “older” folks enjoying our cold malt beverage at the bar is “INCOMING!”, and I don’t mean mortar rounds.
Well time to stock up on the Geritol, the heart medicine, and the dark glasses, (“Honest Honey I was watching the road not the blonde with the 44Double D’s three blocks down on the right!)
Like the words of the old song, about spring I say,….”You make me feel so young!”
-30-


Responses

  1. How was your St. Pat’s day? Sorry haven’t popped over long enough to comment lately. Hope all is well!!


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