Posted by: guinness222 | May 3, 2008

Why do I feel like I’m getting old,…fast!

Been a real “Nantucket sleigh ride” this month. (“Nantucket sleigh ride” is a term dating back to the 1800’s. When a whaling crew harpooned the whale it was hang on and pray. The whale dragged the little 16 foot or so dory all around the ocean, until he eventually died from loss of blood, but history had it that it was 100 times wilder than the worst amusement park ride you can ever think of, and all you can do is hang on for dear life!)
Anyway, work is still a pain in the ass, I’m getting farther and farther behind, picked up a new asociation of 195 homes, and they are certifiably crazy to the bone, at least the ones in charge on the Board of Directors.(Presidents husband gets in a physical “altercation” with a neighbor caught on video tape by the cameras on the gate, (both in thier 60’s!), they have an annual meeting with more lawyers than the US Supreme Court, and each one exploring new BIZZARE legal thingies. “I want all the ballots disqualified”, and “all the proxies are null and void”, and one guy on a soap box rapping on about “why can’t we all just get along?”, and me? Well I have to keep this trainwreck on the tracks and moving forward. (Strategy? Buy $1,000 worth of BBQ with all the fixin’s, set it up on tables below the meeting room by the pool with the windows open, time it for 90 minutes after this circus begins, and sit back)
Comments begin having more saliva, and the tastebuds are vibrating into new levels of frenzy, then someone stands up and says, “look let’s just move this along we’ve all got other things to do (EAT,EAT,EAT!)”
Is there a motion to adjourn? (Loud raucous bunch of mumbling as they head for the door like Pavlov’s dogs,….Yup I’ll take that as a duly made motion, seconded and voted unanimously! (Aaaaah only 364 days til this circus is back in town!)
Go home, have a pint or two, and pack for a course I have to take in Orlando,Florida at Disney World on “managing meeting and elections” At $225 a night, $495 for the course, I sure as shit am not spending another $600 to fly there and back, I’ll drive it, only $80 in gas each way and 7 hours of “windshield time” each way, aaaaah but the peace and quiet of some new age music in the CD player, as the commercial says “Priceless!” Oh shit, the tires are a tad smooth, make that another $600 for four new tires and a front end alignment! (But the good news was I was tooling the whole way at 80 miles an hour with no “shimmy” or vibrations! Set a new land speed record from my house to Disney World 6 hours flat!)
The course was a two day thing, so I figured I’d stay Sunday night, Monday Night, Tuesday night and head out Wednesday morning for the drive back. As luck would have it there were only 7 of us in the class we covered everything in one day, and all I had to do was show up tueday morning at 8am, take the final test (35 minutes) and BAM, “On the road again!” So I canceled tuesday nights stay and headed back.
My boss is calling twice a day in a panic with the old “what do you do about this?”, and “what do you do about that?” (Ain’t it nice to be missed?) But when I get back he tells me he can’t afford to hire an Aministrative Assisstant for me just yet. But he volunteers be act as my Administrative Assisstant until he can. (That’s rich!! Can you imagine the owner of the firm taking notes for me, mailing our flyers, handling important calls (“Someone’s dog shit on my lawn you need to do something about it!”, or the old “Those landscapers are ruining my azealas you need to come out here and show them how to prune them properly.” (Quick aside: Lady, you’re talking to a city boy if it’s green you mow it, and I don’t know an ‘Azeala’ from a Tulip, so you sure as hell don’t want me showing anyone how to prune or your precious ‘Azealas’ will be the same height as your lawn, your trees, and what’s left of you fancy flower beds. Nothin’ personal just “horticulteral Evil run wild”)
So I’m back up to my belly button in paperwork, a bunch of folks who need to find a life, and a two hundred pound anchor sitting in my gut all day long. (Guess we won’t be giving up drinking this month!)
But is that fair to me, my wife, and my cat? I’m awake at 3 a.m. flipping and flopping in the bed, running through “To Do” lists mentally unable to go back to sleep, waking up the wife, rolling onto the cat (man are they quick!) Gotta find a solution. I did a little math and my Accounts constitute almost $140,000 of the annual revenue and $150,000 of the grief. Help,….I need a solution here.
By the by, it’s Saturday, including my two days of drive time this week, the 20th straight day I’m going to have to go to work. This is really begining to suck!
Well off to work, I’ll write some more tomorrow.
I love my job, and what I do, I just hate having to put up with mutant alien life forms who, in thier volunteer capacity, are emminently sure they can do my job far better that I, and that the proper way to pronounce “Professional Association Manager” is “GO-PHER”
Well I’m making your life easier cause I got all the “whackos” of the world cornered here, so enjoy your day.
(Sorry this sounds like a rant, but it beats me going out and shooting some son of a bitch becasue they want me to show 30 Mexican landscapers who don’t speak English how to trim “Azealas”, which by the way is no where in my employment cont5ract nor our firms management contract. And when they are made aware of that the reply is, “I don’t care you work for us and you will do what we tell you to do, or you and your firm won’t be working here long.”
“Ooooops! Did my Grey Poupon spill all over your frock? How careless of me! I do hope you can get it out. (He,He,He, He, you sad excuse for a human being!)


  1. Classic Corcoran How do you learn to ‘human engineer’ plus be cop-priest-counselor-executioner and all around man in charge? Easy, run an Irish pub.

    Once you get them all trained you’ll feel better 🙂

  2. Oh great Xenon Warrior, I learned from the master, Master Sims, (Yoda was a wus!)
    Glad you enjoyed, and as always if I could figure a way to make money from being honest (forget politics, business and being “part of the community”!)
    Well weekend is over, time for the 200 lb anchor to begin in my stomach as Monday approaches!
    Maybe I should have gone to Malta like you!

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