The Emerald Rose

   Well got the results on my last two course, passed both, so I have 1 more in August and then I’m ready to apply for the “Phd” of my career field, Community Association Management. Got the wall full of Certificates, all the rest of it, but I’m getting closer to homicide every day!

    See I’m the bastard that busted butt to get the licience, I’m the bastard that takes all of these courses to keep it current, I’m the bastard who takes all these extra course to advance my self in credentials within my field,….yet I’m the bastard that has to put up with “herds” of totally dysfunctional people who think they know how to magage their  community! Now I understand why I’m the one with the licience, the advanced studies, and the levels of accreditation,….but who’s gonna tell those dumb ass bastards?

    Like this week, the “Directors” at one of my accounts decides they “MUST” start towing vehicles and vessals(boats) illegally parked in the community because this is the first big week of the Summer season,….OK, whatever. The State Law dictates that you just can’t do that, you have to have a sign or number of signs with specific verbage, in 4″ and 2″ lettering, saying exactly what the State says you have to say,….THEN, and only then, can you even think about it. So I dutifully call the local sign shop and ask him for a quote. “Can you have one made by tomorrow afternoon at 4pm?” “Well,…we’re p[retty busy, but I think I can squeeze it in for you.”

     So I send an e-mail, advise the entire Board of Buffoons that with a little luck the sign will be ready for Friday afternoon.

     Friday at noon, I call the vendor, “How we doing?”, …”Well we’re really jammed up, how about I call you at four o’clock?”….so we wait.

    4:15pm, I call back,..”How we doin’?”  “Well I got the letttering all done, but we’re really slammed and I won’t be able to get it all mounted on the backboard until later tonight.”  “How much later?”,…”Well, I really can’t promise.” “Ok so how ’bout I buy you the night and pick it up in the morning?”,…”Well,..how about I call you when it’s ready?”, …”Fine but I absolutely positively, MUST have it before noon.”,…”Sure,no problem, I’ll call you in the morning.” I immediately fire off an e-mail to the Board of Buffoons telling them tomorrow morning, out of my control, etc., etc.

     Saturday morning, (first day of MY three day weekend!) I call at ten a.m., “Give me another hour.”,…Again at 11a.m.,….”Hey, I was just gonna call you,…you can pick it up at noon!”

     Get there to pick it up, have to pay the $130 out of my own pocket to get it, get a receipt, jump in the car to take it on site and give it to the clammering buffooons. Drive out there , and three of the Board memebrs bitching about the “critical nature of having this no later than noon” are not even on property! But I find a fourth one driving around in thier “golf cart”, (Gated community you know,…”we are definately better than you, see I have a golf cart to toodle around the neighborhood with!!”)

     We chat a little and I ask if the maintenance guy is around,only to find he already left for the weekend. So I tell them I have not been able to get a hold of the Board of Buffoons Director in charge of the security and stuff. “Oh, well he’s working today.” “Well could I leave the sign with you instead of driving it around all week end, perhaps he’ll want to get it up before next week and all.”  “Sure that’s fine” so I giove it to them. wish them a happay and relaxing weekend and let them know I’m just going to tour the neighborhood before I head home myself.

     As I’m leaving the community, they are back at the gate, as in gated community, trying to decide where to hang the sign. “Boy this is a lot bigger than we thought it would be!”,…”Right I was suprised as well but the State says you have to use 4″ letters on it and it must contain this exact wording,…not my call.”,…”Well Community #2 and 3 have smaller signs.”,…”Well, they are not in compliance with State Regulations,…you are.”

     “Oh, and one of the phone numbers is wrong, it says area code 880 and it should be 850.” “Not the end of the world we can fix that next week.”,…”But then we are not legal.”,…”Well if I take this back to the sign maker you will not get it back until Wednesday or Thursday, which means you can’t tow anyone this weekend.”,…”Well tell him we need it today.”,…(to myself,…”yeah right you stupid bastard , do you think he really gives a shit?,…it’s a three day week end he ‘s off as well!”)

     “Well, Ive got to go, you folks have a great weekend.”,….and I’m out of there.

    Twnety minuutes later I get a panic call from my boss, “they are all upset, what’s the problem?”,… “Beats the shit out of me.”,…They said you just gave them the sign and said good luck and left.”,…”Right, like you think I’d do that?”,…got another call coming in gotta go, It’s the Buffoon Kahuna in charge of security, “Well why did’nt you put up the sign?,…”Cause I don;t do plumbing, electrical, carpentry, windows or signs, that’s not my job!”,…”Are you being a smart ass?”,…not me Master, but that is not what my licence and contract says I do, so i’m not doing it.”

     “Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah,…”,…You talk to me like that and you are talking to a dead line Sir,I don’t take kindly to that kind of verbal assualt and crap!”,…Well who’s gonna put this sign up?”,…Beats the shit out of me, my job is to define the sign, procure the sign, and get it to you. Now if you wnat me to put it up that’s fine, but Saturday of MY three day weekend,….well, I guess that’s about $500!”

      “Well fine,…we’ll deal with this on Tuesday.”,….(“Does that mean you’re not going to bother me for the next three days? Aaah! if only that were true!

      God I love my job!!

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