Posted by: guinness222 | August 7, 2008

And now for some good news on the economy,…


     “…. and now back to you Chet.”

    “Thanks George, looks like a good day to keep your money in a sock maybe! (BARF! TV anchorman humor, even your cat just threw up on the new rug!)

    “…And now turning to the local scene. A man on a bicycle today attempted to hold up the local bank from the drive in window,….that was until the smart teller just trapped his hand in the drawer and held on until the police arrived. The man said he couldn’t afford the gas for the get-a-way car so he just took the bike from his 9 year old who was at school. Mary Ann?

      “Thank you Chet. This one will interest you Chet. A woman was caught shoplifting at the local thrift store today. Authorities say she had a putter tucked in her slacks and claimed she gave it to the Thrift store by mistake and if she didn’t have it back in his golf bag by tonight he would beat the livin’ snot out of her with it when he got home. She apologized to the owner of the shop and they didn’t press charges and let her go upon which she went out to her brand new gold ferrari and left,as the….”

       “Did you say gold Ferrari?”

       “Why yes I did Chet, why?”

       “That stupid ungrateful bitch, when I get home tonight I’m going to kick the livin’ shit outta her and,……..”

      (Fade to black)

 “Have you tried sominex, the sleep aid that will help you get a good nights sleep, take sominex tonight and sleep like a baby.

      (Fade in on Mary Ann fixing her hair)

       “Ok, we had a little technical problem there but our weatherman “Chunky Charlie”  is with us now, and what’s it going to be like tomorrow CHARLIE?”

       “Well Mary Ann, it looks like we might get some relief by the end of the month, but until then it’s gonna be hot as hell,….ooops! Sorry folks I mean , I just , …it sort of just bubbled out,…Am I gonna lose my job over this  like that other weather guy in Indianapolis?,…..Shit (big tears rolling down “Chunky Charlies” face) I got two kids,….it’s not fair,….

       “Ah, Thank you Charlie, we’ll check back little later, and give you a chance to,…ah. to ah ….check the radar, yeah that’s it. Now for this commercial announcement, we’ll be right back!” (smiling Mary Ann, but the crew never switched her off and faded to black!) Harry you useless sack of shit producer, what am I supposed to do. You got this flaming gay wetherman yaking about two kids, shit unless their goats he isn’t even engaged to a female. And Didn’t the network blow the whistle on Chet the last time be beat the shit out of his wife? This is the sorriest bunch of idiots,….what? What are you waving at mehold the damn sign still so I can read,….ooh deep shit! Ah,….what can I say folks, I was not aware we had a technical situation going on, …..ah,….I mean, ….oh shit, you know what I just don’t give a damn any more,…stick it up your…..(fade to black)

     ” So tune in next to the family channels “Down home Chat” and remember, if we all go to church on Sundays,…well the world will be great for everyone!”



  1. I didn’t know you could pick up Mexifornia (oops, California) stations in Florida.

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