Posted by: guinness222 | August 15, 2008

“Attention Campers,…it’s freakin’ Friday!!”

     YEA !!!  This is one of those weeks that feels like it was 12 days long, you know? Well it is Friday I checked two calendars, my watch and my B’berry , they all concur.

     How about a few catch-up notes forst, …sort of clean up the way for the weekend?

    1. Last of the info my partner wants to make the buying decision on the firm I work for is done, … we wait, nothing else  can do now.

    2. Blood tests are all drawn and I guess, completed so whatever I do this week end is a “freebie” if Monday’s Dr. visit goes badly. (Why is it a Doctor’s “visit” he never brings me anything, does a lot of lecturing, and I think it’s pretty rude to go “visit” someone and they don’t even offer you coffee or tea!)

     3. All the locals are up for some “wagering” tonight at Buster’s, so you might want to get there early for a seat. My buddy Woody, (real live inductee to the World Tennis Hall of Fame! Yea I know a Celeb personally.) and I made sure all the TV’s are tune in correctly, he’s going to print out the racing Forms this morning, also NASCAR number night($5 you draw a number, your guy wins $100 payoff, won twice so far this season) The Trotters go off starting around 6p.m., probably at Yonker’s Raceway in New York, usually 10 or 12 races, we’ll pull numbers for a buck, lay off a couple exacta boxes over the phone to Off Track Betting Emporiums, have a few pints, and other wise enjoy comraderie, catchup on the local gossip, and make sure none of the locals won the “Dead pool” since last week. It happens at our ages. We’re kind of like a biker gang without bikes, but not yet finishing the custom work on the wal;ker. 🙂

     4. Actually had a very good Subway Sub Shop Tuna on whole wheat sub this week, a real surprise from Subway, home of the “fresh cooked cardboard, all grain bread”.

     Ok, now on to this weeks wrap up piece, Tom , back to you,…..

     “Thanks boring sidekick man. Hey by the way who said “THE Donald” has no feelings? He just stepped up today and saved Johnny Carson’s straightman, former U.S. Marine, and recently broken necked 85 year old buddy Ed McMahan from having his 7 bedroom, three million dollar bungalow from being foreclosed on by buying it. (Of course this is “THE Donald” so lease negociations are happening as we speak) Sure warms the cockles of my heart to see younger folks help out the old folks, you know?”

       Personally I want the Apprentice show back on TV. It was the best thing ever to boost my personal ego! I never saw so may sorry ass people collected in one area that were so up tight and rigid as those crews. Sure they dressed good  well, had mastred the old “I AM better than you” attitude and walk, and were an absolutely stellar example of the mindset of Gestapo and SS prison camp guards. These folks were specially breed to screw the buying public, smile and say “thank you!” Ah I loved the Apprentice.

       Speaking of TV shows my other two real favorites are “Iron Chef”,….however I’d be a terrible Judge. (Flash cloud dream over your head,….me Jefferey Weingarten, and Ted Allen at Judges table. Chef Wiccy- Walki would you tell us about this dish? Yes Chairman we poached the quail eggs in the roe of the Asian Sturgeon, strained it all through cheese cloth, added some essence of Rosemary and month old curly leaf parsely for a garnish, and drizzled it with black trouffle oil, .. bon appetit!

      (me): “Hey Jeffery, looks like baby peas don’t it? I mean the shit in the little glass bottles you feed babies, you know.”

      (Jeffery): Well I think you’re wrong, this is delicately constructed, a variety of flavors, individually grazing the pallette, and ever so delicately seasoned that it is perfect. Excellant Job Chef Wiccy-Walki

      (Ted): Well Jefferey I must agree the pungent hint of the trouffle, the ever so delicate finish of the quails egg, and the straining of the Asian Sturgeon roe, a brilliant and daring step Chef, congratulations!

      (me): Are you guys both nuts, looks like baby peas, smells like, well baby peas later out the other end, yo’ you guys are sick I’ll pass on this crap, you got any crackers while I wait for you to tell us about that Cucumber Ice Cream shit, …I can hardly wait for that,…yum,yum.

       Check all the episodes, I don’t think I’ll be in more than one or two!

        Now my other two fav’s are NCIS, and any Law & Order (love the ones with Chris Noth, he’s a wise ass, and knows sarcasm, not like the other guy who was an abused child and spent his life in a microscope and reminds me of a jackal picking bones, plus I’d love to see what’s in the little leather folder he carries all the time, maybe recipes from Iron Chef?

        Putting the finishing touches on my first full book. Sending it in to the Wiley Publishers Monday.they are the one’s that do the “Dummy” books, you know like “WordPress for Dummies” “E-bay for Dummies”. I’m really excited about this one I wrote, it’s called “Walker Assemby for Dummies”. Man it has got to be a best seller, I can’t wait for my first royalty check!

        Oh, and one final bit of news today. God love our great State of Florida, and County of Walton. We have truly built an indomitable machine to protect the locals, screw the tourists and rich “second home” folks, and they are all fit to be tied. We have this thing called a “homestead exemption”( Yo’ Roy, round them doggies up and get’em in the barn. Careful with the poodles!) If you are a permanent resident, and registered voter, with a Florida Drivers licence, there is a 3% cap on how much your property taxes on your house can go up per year. So if taxes go up 18% for 2009 my “fair share” is maxed at 3% over last year, all you rich ass tourists with your $1.5 million “second home” to show all your frends how much money you got,…well thank you,thank you very much for handling the rest of the tax bill for the County. No wonder we trade in Sheriff’s patrol cars when the ash trays get full!

     I may have written before, if I did, well…tough shit here it is again! We first bought our townhouse in 2000, when no one was moving out this way and people thought I wanted to move “back to nature” (fat chance, I’m a city boy!). Well our Real Estate of house taxes were $1,300 for the year, or $108.33 a month. That was as high as they have EVER been, they have gone down every year since then because th ewealthy “yuppie” crews want their vacation homes out here, more folks to split the bill with. They don’t live here year round so they take their kids home to school there, they only come in afew times ayear so we don’t have to give ’em much at all. We got more new fire engines and “support vehicles”, including surf patrols with really cool boats,….ok, ok, I’m hurrying it along. Well this years taxe is $767.27 for the year, down $12 from last year IF we don’t even trim the budget. If we do the taxes will drop to $718.92, or $59.91 a month. That increases my monthly Guinness allownace by $48.42 a month, divided by 30 days, or $1.61 a day, almost enough for a Bud Light a day, or an extra Guinness Draft a week on the tourists!

         You just gotta love Southern ‘fuzzy math” if you are a local!


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