The Emerald Rose

     Well it’s true! Seems like a girl I know (actually a 45 year old Grandma who’s still got it!) was supposed to wet the contestants down for an all female wet tee shirt contest at a local quasi-“biker bar”. They had a little raft out in the lagoon next to the bar (a little 4′ gator lives there and everyone flips food and bones off the outside patio dining area too him, so he’s usually happy).

         To keep the girls from getting “mauled” and “groped” they were shuttled out to the raft (about ten foot by ten foot platform on top) and then wet down when they arrived with lusty applause to determine the winner. The oldest biker (all Harley dudes) got to go out to the raft as well to present the prize a $100 bill to the winner. (He was 71 years young!) After everyone got on the raft and was getting wet down, someone noticed the raft “seemed” to be leaning, then it was “apparently” leaning, then one side was definately “underwater”, and within three minutes the whole damn thing began to sink, at an accelerated rate of speed, the “watering person” our friendly grandma decided screw it, pulled off her shirt and jumped in the lagoon to swim to shore with everyone else. (Alligator? He’s cool, and down with chicken wings, burger scraps, the usual good stuff. He ain’t eatin’ no stinkin’ human meat, what are you crazy? Never moved off the bank, besides “bikers are all leathery and wrinkled” he confided in a local reporter interviewing anything that moved after the incident made news here.

       No there are no “pictures at 11”. But you should have seen Grandma blush when I mentioned the event to her a few days later, “OMG, how did you hear about it?”, she asked turning red with embarrassment. (She was apparently coerced into it by this guy named “Bud” Weiser, well actually him and his five other buddies in the Pak. Keeping a straight face I replied in an even tone with a gentle hint of a lecherous leer, “Well you were pretty obvious in the pictures I saw on the internet”  (I let her wonder for the next couple hours as I would not tell her where on the internet I saw them, then as I was leaving I leveled with her,…the bruising should go away shortly the EMT said when he examined it.

      In other news, another stinkin’ tropical depression/storm/Hurricane has reared it’s ugly head, this time it’s Gustav. I had lots of words that rhymed with “FAY” so plenty of fodder for an acerbic blog if it were needed, but what the hell do you rhyme with “Gustav”? Guess they are accelerating this puppy quickly. As I was reading the first announcement about “Tropical Depression #7” it changed to “Tropical Storm Gustav” , and when I flipped over to the watches and warnings listing it noted that Haiti (Island in the Carribean Sea) was issuing “Hurricane Warnings” meaning hurricane conditions within 36 hours.

      I’m ahead of the curve, this is where procrastination is effective, all the pool furniture and patio furniture is still safely put away and inside, all potential “flying missles” are under lock and key, or bungee corded to immovable objects, ….and guess what, I don’t care how many folks want to lounge at the pool, until it becomes mandatory to take them in again, I’m being pro-active, they are staying locked up. Go Procrastination,…you da’ man!

       We get really freaky weather. As I look out my window here at the office (oops! Not supposed to be blogging at work , right?) anyway, it’s pouring down rain, I mean heavy, but twenty yards past my car the sun is shining and there isn’t a drop of rain to be seen.

      Double oops! Boss walked by and says , “Boy are you busy typing, what are you working on?”  “Ah,..it’s ah the strom policy procedures for the maintenace crews,….yeah that’s the ticket!”   “Oh good, send me a copy when you’re through.”

     Shit, something else to do!

-30-