Posted by: guinness222 | August 29, 2008

Attention students, here is the straight scoop!

Stolen from my firend Doug’s forward to me. Sort of puts things in prespective don’t it?

“Subject: History Lesson
Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:08:33 +0000

For those that don’t know about history … Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so
while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the
Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the
sewing,
fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that
conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the
jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t
fair
to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers,
corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally
anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America … They crept in after
the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of
this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers
and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self…”


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