Posted by: guinness222 | September 6, 2008

“Fire the bald guy!! (then maybe hurricanes will go away!)

   My humble apologies to all “follically challenged” folks out there. (My wife tells me I have a big bald spot on the back of my head, but the Doc told me stop trying to turn my head and see it when he was putting the neck brace on me. He was impressed with my necks range of motion and asked if that was me in “The Exorcist”! (Little medical humor there)

      Sooo, let’s see what is happening around the good old US of A on this Saturday morning, September 6, six days post Hurricane Gustav, six days prior to Hurricane Ike, and whatever the hell other crap is sliding in!  You mean to tell me we can’t figure a way to build a damn wall on the west African Continent say, 50,000 feet high and then let them hurricanes just bang into each other and stay over there. (sigh)

     Well, got gasoline in the cars yesterday, I’ll make sure both bottles of propane gas are full up on monday, and lay in a few more “just add water” things and possibly get a few more batteries.

    But it’s when  the bald guy comes on the Weather Channel, that really scares me. He’s like the 800 pound gorilla they keep locked up in the back room! Sure the weather “girls” are all bouncy and reading thier teleprompters very well, …but when the bald guy shows up,…well, then you know for sure, you are about to enter “BIG doo-doo land”, a few well placed “850 millibar, weakening trough, occluded front,” etc. type remarks and we are all on board and cowering, waiting on his every word.

    But I suppose if it really gets bad he’ll just give us clear instructions on bending over, putting our heads between our legs and kissing our ass goodbye! He’s good like that. Very clear, very precise, very calm, not a hint of fear in his voice. (Oh yeah, he’s in some gigantic bunker three thousand feet below the earth 1200 miles from here where we are in a Hurricane mode!

      Just don’t let the cable go out,…man then it would be really ugly around here. No TV, No computer (after the battery on my laptop ran down), no lights to read by after 7pm, trying to shoot up my wife’s cat with Insulin in the dark! Now there’s a cary thought, “”Here kitty,kitty, Daddy’s got a surprise for you!”. Plus my cat is all black so I’ll probably be stepping all over him and he’ll eventually hate me for the next ten months and hide under the bed when he sees me after it’s all over. But there is good news! Oh boy oh boy, a new supply of MRE’s (meals ready to eat) that the national guard hands out like lollipops after the storm goes by and the sun comes out. They really are cool, and taste pretty good as well.

      Sorry I’m just rambling here. I’m being distracted. I decided to try and motivate myself so I’m listening to the Boston Pops Orchestra recorded live at the Fourth of July Concert on the Charles River in Boston, and the 1812 Overture just started. I’m finding I have an inexplicable urge to stand up and direct the entire piece. (Somewhere here in the pit I actuially have a conductors baton I got years ago with an instruction book on how to direct classical music.) Now that’s what I really want to be is a Classical Music Conductor! I think I got it down pretty good, the book says you always have to be a few bars ahead of the musicians. Musicians my ass, I can stay a few bars ahead of most beer drinkers and that is a tougher challenge! Quiet it’s the lull in the score , the French are coming back in, very quietly and building in tempo and volume, there go the cannons, and the war is on, building to a cresendo, get into it ! “Kick ass, you crazy Frenchmen,….the battle is subsiding , it’s doom, quiet is opening up across the lands, the sun is coming out. But here come the crazy Frenchmen again. “Viva La France” blow’em away, READY,….AIM,… FIRE!! Crank a few big ones in,……and it’s over,,…it’s all over, the Church bells are going, “form up, form up, Victory is ours, pride men, pride! ” A few rounds to celebrate, “Canoneers, on my count a seven shot volley, Bell ringers, NOW!!!”

     (I’m exhausted! But I got enough left in me for the Stars ‘n Stripes!   “Ten-Hut, piccalos (tap-tap) up here, pay attention, free beer when we get back to camp men”.  There’s Napoleon, look, “Eyes Right! Column Left on four,….one,….two,….three,…and FOUR!”)

     Thank God men, we’re done! Ok everyone to the Pub I’m buying the first round. Fall Out!


      Remind me not to put that one on again when I’m blogging, it’s like addictive dude!


  1. So, dude, you got you new computer working yet? If you can read this through all the black outs and swapping of your computer stuff, I suggest you take the cat and ‘accidentally’ leave it outside when Ike comes a calling. It’s the humane thing to do. And my wife tells me that I have a bawl spot on the back of my head, too. I tell her she is full of shit (after she leaves the room.) That’s not a bawl spot , it’s a solar panel on a sex machine. But then, not to be outdone, she will ask me when I am going to plug the damn thing in and get it to working. She’s sharp that way. Bitch! (head swiveling) Oh! Is she in the room? AAAAAHHHHHHHHH

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