The Emerald Rose

     This says it all!!!

      Recently I got a new computer, and despite the best laid plans of mice and men glitches are inevitable,….soooo I found my self calling several of the “Help Desks” and all the jokes are true, trust me. If I wasn’t so desparate for help I would have been convulsing on the floor with laughter.

      But the most irritable thing about a help desk is the most important, and I mean the key communication tool, is language and speech. So call me a bigot, or whatever, but I am having a problem with a very sophisticated piece of equipment, and programming it would take me two lifetimes to really understand, and in that situation the last thing I need is someone on the other end of the phone that I have to struggle with doing aural/comprehension mental gymnastics just to understand them saying “keeoiia, ..seuuottei,maxisterewmner?”, and then wait as my cranial linguistic interpretational interface cells work and come back with, “Hello, my name is Maryanne (or some such similar), may I help you with your problem?”,…..I’m too old for this, I forgot the problem! And my brain is throbbing! I was built for logic, not linguistics!

     How about a “Push 3 if you are linguistically challenged”, I’d even accept that despite my hatred for the “push 1 for today, push 2 for next month,…” stuff! If I had my way I would consider inventing the “seduction phone”, so every time you get a voice mail thingy with all the options every time you listen and “push 2 for Ms. Jones”, or whatever, you would get a sensation of a gorgeous , drop dead blonde (could be brunette, or red head or Raven haired beauty, at my age we are not that particular 🙂 )  blowing in your ear, and asking you out for a drink! The more numbers you have to push the more excited you get, a good thing, but the calmer you actually get about your anger toward your problem, …at least that’s the theory. Obviously there would have to be an initial “Press 1 for male, press 2 for female” question, and maybe for the women a heavily breathing Sean Connery who suggests with his delightful Scottish accent the two of you adjourn to his suite for Champagne after the call.

    And just to establish equality here a voice translator software  could be used by the operator at the help desk so they would actually stay on the line long enough to solve your problem,…not the “go to the options, scroll down to the left handed whacko button, right click it six times, move your cursor to the bottom right hand corner of the screen and then spit on it. Thank you for calling the Help Desk we are glad we could help you today,goodbye”.  CLICK!