Posted by: guinness222 | October 1, 2008

“Listen to your inner self grasshopper.”

       Well It did! Yesterday, as the market began to “tank”, when the big debate and vote for the $700 Billion  bailout was happening I broke a cardinal rule I made a long time ago. I said I would never second guess the broker that I chose for my IRA, but after watching my meager funds continue to dwindle over the past three years I finally got pissed off enough. And it went like this;

      (dial, dial, dial,…ring, ring ring) “Good Morning this is Trust Us Brokerage, how may we help you?”
     “Ah,..yeah, let me talk to Chauncey Abernathy III. ”
“I’m terribly sorry sir, Chauncey is tied up in a meeting and has two calls already on hold.”
“Ask me if I’m surprised.”
“Excuse me sir, I didn’t catch that.”
“Just tell Chauncey to call me on my cell at 123-4566, and tell him it’s important.”

Two hours later no Chauncey, and the market is down 400 points.

(dial, dial, dial,..ring, ring, ring) “Good afternoon this is Trust Us Brokerage, how may we help you?”
“Chuncey Abernathy III please. He hasn’t called me back yet from three hours ago.”
     “He’s still tied up and there are three lines holding for him sir.”
“Let’s see,…tell Chauncey I NEED to hear from him in the next half hour at the latest, it’s critical!”
“Yes sir I’ll give him that message.”

Twenty minutes later.
(Ring, Ring, Ring) “Hello this is Tom.”
“Tom, Chauncey here, it’s just been crazy today you know?”
“Yeah, I can tell from the huge gaping hole in my IRA as it dwindles, did you notice my hole?”
“Well this is sort of a correction reation to the House of Representative voting against the Bailout Bill, but usually these things iron themselves out, so I…”
“YO! Chauncey, I can drive a freakin’ truck through the hole in my account! It’s down almost 50%on that “solid” investment you told me was a great move! So here’s the deal, you listening?”
“Oh, yes I can hear you.”
“Good, sell it all out, now, in both my IRA, and my wifes. I want you to put $500 cash into my “cash account, and her’s, and re-invest the rest in Stereo-Medical stuff, Inc., got it.
“Well Tom, you think you might be panicing a bit on this, you know the one I sold you is strong in an under lying value situation, and I….”
“Chauncey, we are not having this discussion. You’ve “worked my money” down to half what it was a year ago. I “stayed the course”, I let you handle things, I listened to you’re reassurances, I even put aside my personal choice to buy Stereo-Medical Stuff, Inc, last year when it was $4.35 a share because YOU are supposed to be the “Pro”. BUT Chauncey, my “solid income stocks” are down over 40% in value, I’ve skied down trails like the one they are making to the bottom, it’s dangerous. But my little Stereo-Medical Stuff, Inc, has steadily climbed from $4.35 to $6.93 in the last year. That’s an INCOME stock, income for me,….so just do it! Any problems with that?”
“Well if you’re sure,….”
“Chauncey, I’m as sure of this as I am that my chubby little hands around your scrawny little neck would definately be hazardous to you’re long term well being if you talk any more. The market is still going down, you are costing me what little money I have left.”
“Well since you are that insistant I’ll go ahead and take care of it for you.”
“Thanks Chauncey, we’ll do lunch some day soon, call me the minute you can afford to take me!”

(Side bar, At the end of the day that the Stock Market dropped over 700 points I was UP $600 becasue of my Stereo-Medical Stuff, Inc. I might have to take Chauncey to lunch if this continues, just to rub it in deeper and put a little extra salt on it!)
File this blog under “The care and feeding of your Stock Broker”
🙂 He, He, HE ,…I’m evil!


  1. good for you. So far in my few years on this earth I have not dabbled in the stock market. At this point in time I am not sorry for that. At least I’m not having to worry about any of those headaches that so many others are. Granted someday it will be an issue for me, but I am glad it’s not at the moment. Well at least not on a hugely personal level. The economy does effect me, yadda yadda yadda, I’m just glad I’m not having to be overly stressed. And at least now you have a bit more peace of mind.

  2. Get you a string of whores and put them to work. There is no cash investment and plenty of income. And you can ‘dip in’ to your accounts when ever the need arises.

  3. I have you tagged for a meme, if you want to do one. You don’t have to be as honest as I am, but I would like to read your answers.

  4. coffeypot,
    Bring it on!
    Mr. guinness

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