Posted by: guinness222 | October 9, 2008

“Sure we can get that for you tomorrow, just drop by and pick it up.”

    My boss, Mr. “No problem I’ll work on that this afternoon drop by and pick it up tomorrow.” Sometimes I’d like to wring his neck. But let me translate the above for you. We have to break it down into it’s component parts, ready?

       “No problem…” translation: “Not my problem, but if you are going to be pissy about it,…”

       “I’ll work on that this afternoon…” translation: “I’ll run around the office and tell everyone this is the end of the world and we are all out of jobs if they can’t come up with what ever the hell you’re talking about, so drop what you’re doing this is more important,…do it…”

       ” …drop by and pick it up tomorrow.” translation: “I won’t be in, just in case it isn’t what you really wanted, ’cause I don’t come in til 10:30 in the morning, I have lunch from noon to two, and I scan my e-mails in private from two to four, and then it’s time for my tennis lessons, or B’ball with the guys on Wednesday.”

       So there you have it, a perfect translation of young, spoiled, yuppie boss type language.

       While we are here let me run over a few other “bossisms” I’ve heard during the years;

       “Nice necktie Guinness.”  translation; “I’m gonna dump a huge project all over your day in a little while so go ahead and feel ‘noticed’ by the higher ups first.”

       “I really don’t know what we would do without you around here.” translation; “No raise this year just strokin’ and ego boosting so go back to your hole and work!”

       “I really thought I could depend on you.” translation; “You hung me out to dry on that one, and I will not forget it, you are toast, ancient history, dog meat, done!”

       “I know how hard you’ve worked, just go and enjoy your vacation.” translation; “You can run but you can’t hide, I will be calling you at least three or four times and might even tell you to come in if we are getting behind.”

       Well you know what I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard a few too. If you have drop me a comment and tell me so everyone else can get a chuckle out of them.

      May the force be with you!

     Finally a tip for speaking more explicitly and clearly and sounding extremely intelligent; Fill your mouth with marbles, and then say “What a marvelous day we are having, wouldn’t you say?” keep repeating it until you understand it. remove six marbles and do it again, paying careful attention to your tone and diction until you are satisfied with the sound, remove six more marbles and repeat. Contiunue this process until you have had all your marbles removed and then you will know wisdom,…..grasshopper! 🙂


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