Posted by: guinness222 | November 18, 2008

Musings of an old fart, or,…I’ve fallen down and I don’t give a shit!”

    Ok, my mind is going through it “data back up” cycle, and just like the ‘puter it’s hard drives are spinning at 7200rpms, comparing the existing data to the current data and making decisions as to “replace” the existing content with the new content. (Ooops! Look’s like a little overload just dripped out of my left ear! Oh, No, …it’s not data, it’s ear wax,…sorry.)

    But a few musings to start you day. It currently cost less to buy one (1) share of the Ford Motor Company (F) in the stock market, than a large Butterfingers Candy Bar! (And no calories in the stock certificate)

   And Sirius (SIRI) Satellite Radio, well,…as of yesterday afternoon at the close you could buy shares of it for $0.23 a share, TWENTY-THREE CENTS !

   And General Electric (GE), they own NBC Television , have one of the world’s largest medical development companies, a HUGE financial arm called GE Capital, not to mention all the stoves, refrigerators etc. etc. You can get a share of them for only $16.29 a share!

       That’s it, I’m investing, only I want the actual stock certificates. Certificates usually measure 8 1/2 X 11 inches, soooo I did the math. (get out your pencils kids, I need you to check me on this!) a Single stock certificate measures 8.5 X11 inches, OR 93.5 square inches, and it takes 144 square inches to equal 1 square foot. (You with me right?) Ok now “the Pit” (my warm, fuzzy, somewhat “lived in” computer area at the house, you know, the one my wife says “no vacuum cleaner has ever seen the carpet in that hole in the ten years we’ve lived here” but I know everything in here and where it is and not a single person has contracted any diseases or plagues, or strange body rashes from coming into it,…so there!) Anyway “The Pit” measures 10 foot by 16 foot, and is 7’6″ to the ceiling. Therefore using simple math the walls of “the Pit” are in total 390 square feet of area. (Thank God i went to school and remember my formulas!) So if it takes 144 square inches to equal 1 square foot then by multiplying the wall coverage of 390 square feet, by 144 square inches it comes to a total of 56,160 square inches of total area. Divide that 56,160 square inches by 93.5 square inches,  (size of a stock certificate) , and VOILA!!! It will take 600.64171 stock certificates to cover the entire wall area!

     Now let’s see we’ll round it down to an even 600 stock certificates needed, (because of the light switch plates, the electrical outlet plate covers, and I can always throw up a picture on the wall if I come up a little short (a highly technical stock market term  called “selling short”, or “shorting out”, remember it, there may be a test later!) Ok back to the process. At $0.23 a share of the Sirius Satellite Radio Stock I could wallpaper the entire “Pit” for $138.00 US ! Now there is a danger that Sirius is not a real “serious” stock, so it could be a “loser” as far as an investment goes, but with the U.S. Government about to bail out Ford Motor Company, at $1.72 a share (and we know they will survive) it would take $1,032.00 to paper “The Pit” with Ford Stock. Well, that’s a little high, but the way the markets are going “Markets to open down about 200 point this morning” says the CNN guru’s. If I hold out  until the end of the week, (because all the stocks go to hell on Fridays ’cause the brokers need money to cover their bar tabs for the weekend) I bet if I hold off until Friday about ,..say 2p.m. I can get the Ford stock for probably $1.30 a share or $780 to do the whole room!

     Oh and then there is the Bedroom, I think that would look good in perhaps a General Motors (GM) stock, and what the hell we’ll do the master bath in Home Depot (HD) stock, granted that’s $20 a share, but the master bathroom is not that big, and there is a lot of tile that’s sort of neutral and will go with the Home Depot Orange pretty well.

     Imagine the feeling you can have when, and if, they ever straighten this market out and things go back to normal. I’d be here blogging to you amidst 600 stock certificates of Ford Motor Company worth, let’s say at $25 a share by then or $15,000 walls! I’d be able to go to bed at night surrounded by probably $80,000 worth of General Motors stock, and easily $10,000 of Home Depot every time I went to the bathroom, or shaved. Sending my two grand daughters to Harvard would be a breeze, just get out the chain saw, and ship a chunk of wall to the School Treasurer, with the bill attached. (Let them figure out how to get the certificates off the wall board, not my job Mon!)

      A whole new series of pick up lines would be available, “Hey honey, wanna go home with me and see the General Motors Room?” Or how about “I have a whole Sirius room at my place, come on over we’ll check it out.”  OR the best for last, honey you   my place and I’ll surround you with Fords”

     I think maybe I need to see the Doctor again, and get fitted for one of those nice white coats with the long arms that wrap around you, they are so warm on a cold winter’s eve.



  1. Guinness.

    Get to the pub STAT.

    Minumum 4 dose, well poured.

    Call me in the morning

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