Posted by: guinness222 | November 21, 2008

“Ah Mr. Guinness, President Elect Obama would like to speak to you, Please hold on.”

       Sure he would, let’s see how would such a call go,…… (Putting the time machine into “silly shit mode”)

      “Can I call him back in a minute I need to get another cup of coffee?”

      “Ah sir, here is the President Elect,…..Hello, Tom? How are things down there in Florida?”

      “Well, honestly Barry they suck, no money, no jobs, no realestate market,…you know, sort of like every City in this country,…ya’ know?”

      “Ah yes, good, good,… the reason I called is, well it’s sort of embassassing, but we can’t find a good democratic candidate for the new cabiinet position I’m going to establish, Secretary of the Department of Blogging, and your name came up from both sides of the aisle.”

     “Cool, so what do I do?”

     “Well we are still fleshing out the actual job description, but you would be the point man to try and unify all peoples together through responsible blogging and a forum of idea interchanges in a non-partisan surrounding, leading to the “Blogger Majority” as the most widely respected independant non-partisean initiative set forth by this administration in it’s first term.”

     “So, like free blackberries for everyone?”

     “If that’ what you need, you got it.”

     “And I can’t afford to move up there, cost of living and all that shit,….what’s it pay?”

     “Well, starting salary would be $140,000.”

     “Plus an account at Buster’s,… that’s a non negociable. Oh, and I get to stay and work from “the Pit” here in Santa Rosa Beach, right?”

     “Well except for when I have cabinet meetings, you’d have to come to Washington for them.”

     “I AM NOT SITTING net to Hillary!”

     “Ok we can put you further down the table.”

     “And I get to pick my own staff, under secretaries and over secretaries and all  like that,…right?”

    “Sure, do you have any in mind at this point?”

     “Glad you asked,… I want Tom Clancy for Undersecretary for image building, I want Paris Hilton for Social Secretary for our annual “Blog Kegger”,…oh yeah and Martha Stewart to redecorate “The Pit”, oh yeah and do I get like Airforce 3 or 5, or something like that to use?”

     “Well if it’s official business we can surely provide some form of ,…..”

    ” OOOOOH! Barry, I got such a great idea, how about I get the executive GM jet, since we’re gonna down size them to make it work, you guys just have to pay for the gas and maintainance, and I know it’ll land here at Destin Airport ’cause Jerry Jones has a place here, you know the Dallas Cowboys owner, and his gulf stream lands ok.”

    “Well,…ah, …I don’t see…”

    “Cool, Look Barry I gotta go, the Cable TV is out in one of the buildings I manage and they get real cranky about that,…you know?”

   “Oh,..certainly I understand. So I take it that is a yes and you’ll join the team?”

   “Barry, Barry, of course I’ll take the job, but the reason I blog is because my shrink says I don’t get along well with others,…you know. So the short answer is “yes”, but forget this team crap, you and I know it’s a 12 on the “bullshit meter”, at that  level everyone is out for themselves,…but I will keep my mouth shut as much as I can,…that fair?”

    “Well, ok we’ll try it.”

    “Bye Barry, thanks for the call, oh say Hi to Joe Bidenfor me, and I ain’t sitting next to him either.”


    BREAKING NEWS: ABC just annunced a new Cabinet position, Secretary of Blogging and the White House Transition team just announced a “Mr. Guinness” has been announced as it’s first Cabinet Secretary. Stay tuned for more as we get it here at ABC.”


    “Honey, don’t answer the phone or the doorbell, it’s gonna be a little crazy here for a while.


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