Posted by: guinness222 | November 24, 2008

“Bless me Father,…where’s my money?”

   Went to Church, as always, yesterday morning. Enjoyed the sermon as we’ve also got a pretty “hip” younger priest (beside the old (76) Monsignor), called Father Tom. He’s got a pet Golden Retriever named Bridgette who is a hoot as well. Bridgette is the “Greeter” she stays in the Church vestibule and goes up to every person coming in and touches them, never barks, makes any noise and the little kids and old folks love her. Then she takes a nap just inside the doors as Mass takes place, and when Mass ends, and we start the Final Hymn Bridgette toddles in and sits quietly to the left of the priest. As we finish the hymn he closes his book and hands it to Bridgette who firmly clamps it in her mouth and files out with the procession right behind the priest. (Then of course she gets her “complimentary” chocolate donut, no coffee, she’s a decaf drinker!)

      Anyway, the New England Patriots, (my Pro Football team) were playing the “Evil Opposition” (a rivalry gpooing back to the early 1970’s) Miami Dolphins. Of course my wife says, “Oh you going to watch it at home today?” “No precious, this is a definate “Pub” game” The thrill of the home team, chanting “Squish the Fish!” referring to the opposing linemen as “Convicts 1 thru 4”, and the back field as “Thug 1, Rapist 2, etc., things you can only do at a “pub”, with pint in hand, and most of the time get away with it. Now the game started at noontime, which really would have been an outrageous time to go to the Pub. Yes Florida is a warm climate, but still sleeping in a parking lot after the game would be quite unacceptable. Soooo, I waited until half time, about 2p.m. to leave. The wife headed to choir practice til five and all was well.

    Well I get there, get comfortable in a seat near my favorite one (bloody snowbird infidels, the bar tender should have told them the seat is contagious or something like , “Don’t sit there, the guy with the huge “butt infection” sits there, you don’t want to catch it!” ,…well I’ll get over it.) Anyway. my boys are ahead 24 to 21, a few rabid “fish fans” are trying to encourage their team, and I sat quietly, enjoying the lead and sipping me pint. Then I feel a clap on the back,….it’s our parish priest, and he’s a Miami fan (since it was Sunday his “work day”, he didn’t wear his Miami Game Shirt, Dolphins hat, etc. Just the standard black ball cap, black long sleeve thing with the collar, and black slacks and shoes.)

      “So Father, what you doin’ here? My wife send you to watch over me?”

      “No, I just came over for a beer and to watch my Dolphins defeat your team.”

      “Well sit down and give the last rites to your Dolphins, cause it’s not happening. Todd get me pastor a pint of beer.”

      “Well I don’t know if it was the wine from all the morning Masses, but every time my team pushed ahead, completed a pass, intercepted a pass, or even got close enough to tackle a Dolphin player he was up on his feet yelling “Penalty,…did you see that, that was flagrant!” But his team managed a score, which he revelled in “We got you now!” he calls out. A few dolphin fans at the bar are loving this. So out of the blue he challenges me to a bet! “I’ll bet you we win. We’ll definitely beat your Patriots.” With the faith of a Pope I turn to him and calmly say “Five Bucks? ($5)”,….”Sure, Five dollars it is.”

      Then he asks the bartender to put the game on a TV closer to our end of the bar, Todd, the Bartendersays, “Can’t do it, there’s a guy watching Tampa Bay on that one.” “But he’s not there”, says the Padre. “Yeah he will, just went out for a smoke.” Well there are two TV’s down this end, can’t you put one on for him and put the Miami game on that one?” “Can’t do it.” says our stalwart barr tender.  “Why not, you have the same game of both of these TV’s.”

      “Those are Mr Guinness’s  TV’s on Sunday, and when New England is playing they are both on New England, right Mr. G?”  (It is definitely a good thing to have seniority at your local pub!)

      Well my team just rises to the occasion and begins man-handling the Dolphins and they ca’t change the score fast enough on the Board, it’s27-21, then 30-21, then 37-21, then 44-21, and then 48 to 21,…..he’s getting a lot quieter. As the game ends he call for his check. The bartender gives him one for $7. Ha calls the bartender over and says “Is that right?,…for one beer?” “Yeah it is buddy, you got a big one, 25 ounces.” So I signal the bartender, Todd, who’s sort of new. “Todd this is my pastor over there at the Catholic Church, we need to take care of him. He’s a good priest, but not a football team picker.”

      Todd goes back over and says quietly “That’ll be $3 Father”. Well the priest insists on paying the seven dollars anyway. And he turns to me and hands me a Five Dollar bill. “What’s that for?”, I asked. “I always pay my debts.” he said. “Aw, just put in in the collection basket and tell God I’m not all bad.” “No, you won it, you can put it in the collection basket yourself, it’s your winnings.” This other older couple who had been down the end of the bar watching the game and obviously were New England fans as well were getting ready to leave and stopped by to say good night. I don’t think the good Padre knew they were “snowbirds who just arrived and come to our church during the winter.

      The gentleman leans over to the Padre and says, “Nice meeting you Father, see you in church next Sunday, but listen to God when it comes to picking winners will ya’!”

      A good time was had by all , even the Padre, but it was a $13 beer for him. (Reckon I’ll have to teach him how things go when he’s around messing with “my flock”! For remember what the Good Book says, and I quote St. Paul here, “Different strokes for different folks!” 🙂


   (Oh yeah, and for the record, I did what any good Irish Catholic would do with the $5 winnings,…..”Todd, I’ll have another pint of Guinness, on the good Father’s fiver!” I think even the Good Lord would think that appropriate after all the money I put IN the basket for the last 50 years! ) 🙂


  1. Pretty good feat for a team that doesn’t have a quarterback anymore. I hear he will be running for office when his career is over. He might be licking his chops at Teddy’s seat. Not his ass, although Brady is used to working under a man’s ass, but the Senate seat.

    I met a doctor from Korea named Son. While reading your work today I though how funny it would have been if he went into the priesthood instead. FATHER SON. Sorry! I got sidetracked there for a moment. As I was saying… Um! What? Uh, well, uh, okay, bye.

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