The Emerald Rose

     I’m ready for a fight this week. Yup! Really itching for one. Not with the wife, not with my boss,(but on second thought,…naw!), but with the legal community.

     Lawyers and the legal system are much like the plague, they spread, they multiply, and they need to be eradicated,….BIG TIME!

    A year and a half ago The firm I worked for let me go, ergo all bets are off, I don;t have to like them, I don’t have to thank them for a job, I don’t have to accept the “mere pittance” they called a salary.  ALL BETS ARE OFF! I am free to tell you what scum sucking maggots they were, what hyopocrites and corporate “ends justify the means” philosophies are all about.

      So five months later they slap a lawsuit on me for violating a “non-compete agreement”. Sorry Assholes, line one says “we agree to employ you, and you agree not to compate against us.” DUH!!! YOU chose NOT to employ me so you “breeched” the agreement, ergo it’s over,…period!

      So a couple weeks ago, after this thing is sitting dormant for ten months, I get this ream of papaers from my lawyer with a note that they have to be filled out and filed by 12/15, they are called interoggatories. I looked them over, could feel my blood pressure popping out the top  of the needle guage, and was so righteously pissed when I got to the last page, where it said “I, Mr. Guinness swear the answers are true and correct,…., and being unable to understand why justifiable homicide does not include attorneys, I simply wrote across the page ” NO”.

      I called the attorney who said “You have to fill them in” to which I said, “OR WHAT?”. To which he replies, “They can get an order to compel you to do it.” (Trust me wrong freakin’ answer, believe me!!) “And if I don’t do it then?, says I. “Well you would be in contempt of Court.”says he. “Well whooppee do-da-do, then what?” says I. “Well then they can fine you and even put you in jail for contempt until you do fill them out.” says he.

       “So let me get this straight. First Why are they doing this after almost a year of nothing?”

      “Well, if nothing happens in a year the case is automatically eligible for dismissal, and it’s coming up on a year.”

      “So this is just bullshit to keep the clock running, and the meter billing, right.”

      “Well, essentially.”

       “Secondly, ten pages of bullshit questions? To do what?”

      “So they have a better understanding of the case and the matters in question.”

       “Excuse me? Tell them pound sand.”

       “Well,…I mean they can compel,..”

       “Yeah right, and if I don’t I can go to jail, right?”

       “Well yes they can ask,….”

       “Let me think here, unemployment is at 6.7%, my IRA savings are pretty much wiped out by this damn economy and the recession, I’m really not sure if I can make my monthly payments any more with the sub-standard wages I am getting,….and they want to put me in jail? Let me see, three square meals a day, no bills to pay, no worries about making a mortgage payment anymore, and I get exercise equipment, which I can’t afford now, TV privileges, I have 24 hours a day to devout to my writing, get to go on public service projects, but not have to bust my butt, just kind of walk along the highway with a trash bag, picking up cans a couple days a week, and even get a special room just for me and my visitors, SHIT! Life is good,…bring it on Bubba!”

       “I don;t think you understand,…”

      “No, YOU don’t understand. I am guaranteed the right to a job of MY choosing, using the skills which I qualified and was approved for by the State of Florida, not these greedy bastards, Let’s test the system. Let some damn Judge tell me I can not do the Job the State authorized me to do, in a State that is signatory to a “Right to Work Bill” that can not compel me to be discriminated against in employment, and let’s talk the 64 year old guy, oldest guy in the company that THEY let go, and without cause. Can you say “Age Discrimination” can you say “Harassment”? Is it my fault that two of my clients when I work for them were so pleased with the job I did for them they came to the company I moved to four months later, not at my urging, but of their own volition? Bring it on mother, bring it on.”

        “I think you need to go home and calm down and think about this, Mr. Guinness.”

        “Sure I will, the answers to all the questions is “I have no recollection of that matter”, and  “I do not seem to remember those answers at all”.

        “I’m sure you’ll see things differently in the morning.”

        “Surely you jest you misbegotten piece of shit!”

        “But,…”

        As Nathan Hale once said , “I regret I have but one life to give”,….but I give it on my terms not some sleazebag lawyer raping anyone they can.”

-30-

     File this one under insane rant, but no pistol permit!