The Emerald Rose

         Here I am again, up to my bellybutton in papers, trash, and unknown things (cleaning out “the Pit” again). It really builds up this time of year because of all the catalogs and flyer’s and all.

        I’m thinking I want a TV tuner card for my desktop for Christmas, that way I can watch some of the Golf Tournaments while I “play”. In fact I just pulled out my “mini”, cause I don’t think the Microsoft “Office Mini” programs are on it. (Yup they are, just checked. “Look Ma, I’m multi-tasking!”)

       Sorry I’ve been a little down, I should mention this to the Doctor, BUT unfortunately here in the States it’s actually best if you don’t tell your Doctor anything! I know it sounds stupid, but let me explain a bit. While my Dr., Dr. Mike, hates the healthcare insurance complex as much as i, and he will rant on about it and I can see his Blood Pressure go up, veins popping out of the neck and all, he still has to document everything, or lose his ass to some insurance company down the road.

       So whatever you tell him goes in the manila folder with all the other stuff. If you remember i was telling you that a few years ago I was in for my annual physical and I was curious about this new “Viagra”, NOT as an “assistant” for me, but as a possibility for investing in the Pharmaceutical Company Stock. So While he was doing his “turn your head, …cough”, and all the rest of it, I asked him if it really worked and what kind of a market there was for it, was is dangerous and if there were any side effects later that could be like some of those other drugs (like the one my wife was taking until the Federal Drug Administration (FDA) determined it RAISED the level of heart attacks and strokes in patients big time (Beckstra, or something like that. Of course she stopped taking it immediately.) We had a nice discussion, our “usual” talk about how I should get off my ass, exercise, eat a diet fit for a middle age adult, not a 16 year old kid impervious to cholesterol, “carb overload”, etc. and cut back on the Guinness to a couple of pints a day instead of the usual four. (My fault, I was honest when he asked how much I drank and what I ate!) So any way he’s got to go write me a prescription for some stuff for my psoriasis, and he comes back into the room and gives me the prescription and a little brown paper bag, so I asked “What’s this?” And he tells me its a couple of “samples of Viagra he gets from the sales folks that are in all the time. I told him both my wife and I are very sure I don’t need it, he says while it won’t hurt so “save them for a rainy day”. Long story short I went home threw them in my bureau drawer as a “just in case, emergency supply thing” and went about my business.

       A year and a half later I needed to get new health insurance, becuase I changed jobs aand they told me that my “Erectile Disfunction (ED)” would be considered a “pre-existing condition”. You may have heard me in Australia when I said “WTF are you talking about? I don;t have ED, not even anything close to it. The reply? “Well it says in your Doctors notes you were given Viagra.” DUH! So I patiently explain and guess what? They don’t give a shit!!

       So I asked if there were any other “goodies” we should talk about. That’s when they told me I had heart problems, and was “obese” by medical standards!!!! And it all came out of the Doctors little manila file. So I got pissed, called the Doc, and of course he was busy so the message I left was, “You tell him call me immediately, If I’m apparently going to die, with a limp dick and a bad heart I’d like to hear it from him,…personally!” (Ok , maybe a little overreaction, BUT!) So when he called we determined that the day I had me EKG (The heart thing tape) his machine was broken so he had me go to the hospital down the road and get it done so he could complete the file for this year. I went, they did it, there were no problems, and we all looked forward to next year. BUT it went in the file that the EKG at his office showed abnormal somethings and may be out of calibration. The insurance company got as far as “showed abnormal somethings” and QUIT reading, poof! I have heart disease. NOT diagnosed by a Doctor, or a Nurse, nor anyone else with any medical knowledge but by some “twit” sitting in a cubicle somewhere looking forward to their next cigarette break, making $5.25 an hour, or some prisoner in a Federal Penitentiary being farmed out to a medical insurance Company to handle applications for insurance. DAMN I hate that crap.

        So bottom line, when you go to the Doc, bring your severed leg in quietly in your backpack, don’t have a coughing fit in front of the receptionist, drop a couple comments about “doing it seven times last night”, and talk about the great new Vegatarian Diet Book you  were reading on the bus on the way over, oh yeah,.. and apologize to them and tell them you thought you’d jog the last fifteen blocks over, so you might be a little sweaty, …”Duh! Like what was I thinking!”

         Well My wife made me make an appointment for a full body massage this afternoon,(she even paid with her Credit Card, because I’m like so much not even in the same hemisphere as Christmas and the only “spirit” I’m looking forward to is a pint of Guinness later today. Oh and after the Massage I’ve got my “Bah,..humbug” practice with the rest of the disgusted Republicans at the library.

         We’ll chat again tomorrow.

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