Posted by: guinness222 | December 23, 2008

“Your Honor, we’ve reached an agreement.”

  (As we left yesterday, Santa was really in a quandry over the entire situation. If you just started with this “blog” entry I would advise you go back two and follow the situation from the beginning.

   (And don’t forget , don’t worry about the world coming to an end tomorrow, I’ve got a friend in Australia and I’m sure she’d call if tomorrow was off, they are almost a half day ahead of us down there.)


         “Look Mr. Claus, as your Attorney I”m advising you to go into mediation with the opposition, it only makes sense.”

      “To you maybe, but to me it’s getting held up, robbed, by one smart ass reindeer speaking for a bunch of dummy reindeer who haven’t got a clue! It’s outrageous! Have you studied this entire list of demands they sent me,…huh, have you even looked at it?”

      “Frankly Mr. Claus they have some very solid legal points they are contending, and I am just not that sure we will be able to prevail if this goes to trial,…you never know with a jury, much less a jury of their peers.”

      “Like who? Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Give me a break!”

      “Well they sent over the Jury list to me and I’ve got to tell you this could be bad for us. ”

      “How bad?”

      “Well, just to name a few potential jurors from the list, there is a Mr. Grinch, one Jack Frost, oh and a “Mister Frosty Snowman”, an “Ms. Ice Princess”, and oh-oh, I was afraid of this, the entire cast of “The Nutcracker Suite”.”

       “Most of them are kids, don’t sweat it, kids love me I got them in my back pocket.”

       “Mr. Claus, they may be kids, but nevertheless their feeling that this may spell the end of presents and all that because YOU chose to be stubborn,…well it’s a media holiday for sure. You’ll be lucky if you will be able to BUY milk and cookies.”

       “So how does this mediation stuff work?”

      “Well, it’s quite simple really, the Judge will appoint an Arbitrator, then you and I and Mr. Reindeer and his attorney will go into this conference room, and we will try and arrive at a solution agreeable to both parties. Then we go back before the Judge. The mediator will inform the judge of the agreement, he will ask you and Mr. Reindeer if you both agree, and then he will sign it, say “So ordered” and poof it’s all over, you both honor the agreement and go back to normal,….end of case.”

       “Ok, I can do that, but if that ungrateful little snot nosed reindeer tries to get uppity with his demands, that’s it, I’m walking,…we go to trial. Got it? Now what are those ‘demands’ he’s making.”

       “Well, you know about the premium beer in the Reindeer lounge already,…right?”

       “Yeah, but my choice of “premium beer” , right?, What’s next?”

       “Well, something about two weeks paid vacation and an annual trip to Acapulco for all the reindeer.”

       “You’re kidding,..right? They work one lousy night a year and lay around the barn the rest of the year, who the hell is their Union, the United Auto Workers?”

      “And the their last demand is for an Antler Care Medical Policy with only a $20 deductible, and the family option split 50/50 with you.”

      “Oh I can see tomorrow is going to be a looong day already!”

      “Well that will strictly depend on how ‘bullheaded’ the parties want to become.”

      “Look, say I go along with all of this stuff, and negotiate with them tomorrow, what about the Sleigh trip, they’ll never make it with no practice and training. The whole damn holiday will fall apart because of them and it’ll look like I blew it. That can’t happen, and I’m NON- negotiable on that one.”

       “Well let me call the court and see if we can get the Judge to rule that they have to be in shape for the Christmas Eve run or whatever we agree to, and that means both parties, is off. How’s that sound?”

        “Well, that’s ok,….but I’m not sure if even an Uppity Snot Reindeer like Rudolph can whip them into shape in only 48 hours.”

         “That would be his problem, not yours and we would ask that all damages if he can not get the reindeer to complete the run are to be paid by the Reindeer and the Union so everyone is whole.”

         “Alright, but if they don’t get it done I want them to also have to take out full page ads in every newspaper in the world admitting it was their fault that Christmas bombed this year and not mine. As Santa Claus I have a HUGE reputation at stake. They are only snot nosed reindeer, I can get a whole new crew in three month from Norway, you know.”

          “Ok, I gotta go and get this motion filed before the Judge adjourns for the day, short days on holiday weeks you know.”


         Later that afternoon Santa got work the Judge signed the motion and noticed Rudolph had all the reindeer out in the paddock area doing push ups and squat thrusts. “Boy are they outta shape” he thought as Blitzen was sucking down the last of his third six pack of the day and sweating like a hog on a hot day……tomorrow, “The Mediation” , the last ditch chance for Christmas 2008. Drop by and see the final outcome tomorrow – “Mr. Guinness”


  1. Would you like for me to introduce Rudolph to my sly friend, The Big Bad Wolf. I think BBW would love to have Rudolph for dinner.

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