The Emerald Rose

“Honey, I told you I get the first sip!”

        And so it goes my friends. The end of another year, and a rather shitty one if I may opine. So what do I look forward to in 2009?

       Well, the continued love and support of my wife, perhaps after 64 years around this big blue marble perhaps a “hint” at what I really should be when I grow up, so I can get on with it, plenty of good pints of Guinness, continued enjoyable chats with friends, perhaps enough money so as to reduce my anxiety and stress levels so I don’t “stroke out” over things, some time to just sit and “smell the roses”, read a few of the dozen or so books piled up on the tabel next to my chair, the “internal fortitude” to change a lifelong set in granite type attitude that exercise is a waste of time, vegetables are not our friends, there is life beyond Sugar Salt, Flour and Pasta! (Where I  haven’t a clue, but I’m ready to have more than a cursory look.)

         I am going to try and combine basic laziness with eating right this coming year. I am looking forward to the arrival of my “Crockpot Cooking Light” book to arrive. Get up, throw a bunch of stuff in the crockpot, turn it on, go to work, come home eight or none hours later and begin drooling as the smells waft over to my nose, tie a towel around my neck, to catch the drool until I can change into suitable “old fart drool clothes”, and just ladle out something totally delicious. Clean up is dump the extra in a plastic container, pull the pot and rinse it out, set it back on the counter to rest up for tomorrows Epicurean gastronomical miracle of flavors and taste. (sigh! I apologize, just a moment of delusional thinking!)

         The eat right and exercise thing is important (put on serious face here) so I will REALLY try and take care of that.

        Speaking of “lazy, healthy, “guaranteed” nutritionally good, but weight losing” meals, anyone got any suggestions? If you do please send them to me, I’ll try them and if I find any “DING<DING<DING! We have a winner!” ones I’ll put them up for you all to enjoy.

         I guess the older you get it’s more about food, you know. You look at a chocolate bar,…poof, you need a bigger size shirt or blouse. You drive too close to a MacDonalds and ,…. your colesterhol goes up 200 points, what is it with this crap. For years I loved three big gooey blueberry filled donuts, covered with powdered sugar, and coffee for breakfast, followed by a BigMac, Cheeseburger, Large Fries and Vanilla shake for lunch, three or four pints at the Pub heading home, then a big dinner, with dessert, and probably cookies and milk or something “gooey” later in the evening, it all went somewhere, gone, poof, disappeared, but now all you ever hear when you put anything in your mouth is a little voice saying “straight to the legs, beef up that butt a little more, Yo, gall bladder you gonna be having a rough ride today.

        All the stuff I read claims the entire process of digestion and caloric burning or “metabolism” slows down. I tried scaling back what I eat, you know, only one do-nut in the morning, kill the cheeseburger and large fries and just get the Big Mac, swap the Medium Vanilla Shake for “Spring water”, you know like balancing scales, but it never works. I put a McDonald’s advertisement on one side of the scale and gained two pounds before I got home that night!

          Never mind this whole sick idea of “taking things away”, and “outlawing the four white poisons (Flour,sugar,salt and pasta)”, you would think that with all we have been able to do as a society in this world, from putting a man on the moon a number of times, from curing polio, eradicating small pox, developing life extending drugs for HIV folks that virtually give them a whole life, heart replacement surgury, liposuction, and on, and on, and on,……Why can’t we develop a pill  that just “bumps up” the metabolism to where it was in the earlier part of your life. Id that so much to ask for??

         As a thirty year old I used to be able to do everything, and work 9 hours a day, go to night school and carry three to four courses a semester, have a wife and thrree children, build a three room addition on to the house by myself, read a novel a week, still have time left over for sex and cuddling, but now……?

     -30-

      Oh! I’m feeling particularly prolific today, so immeditately after (well actually ahead of) this blog is another in which I could use your help. Hey we are all holed up writing blogs for a reason so let’s put it all together and help each other.

      “Hi! I’m Mr. Guinness, I blog, and no one told me where the “Blogger Anonymous meetings were, do you know?”