The Emerald Rose

    Generally a very bad week all around, and not just for me. But this blog is all about me, so here we go;

     “The Boy King” comes by my office Monday to tell me he’s off to Tennessee for four days, and I could “cover him”, while he’s gone, with his association responsibilites, and an “Oh by the way you have to be at this meeting Tuesday afternoon at 2 for the new employee leasing company to sign up and go over the benefits.”

       Anyway, Tuesday at 12:30 was part one of my “Stress Test” and at ten minutes of two they tell me “Ok you can leave now.” So I got ten minutes to make a thirty minute trip to get to this new employee leasing company. (It only took me twenty and trust me it was more stressful than the Stress Test!) I arrive and everyone is sitting around this table filling in paperwork, so I double time through mine and finish with them at the same time, then they bring in the “Benefits” guy who hands out packages of paper to us to go over the health plan options we can have, there are only two of them.

        Typical Insurance idiot they can’t speak in English and are absolutely sure we know everything they are rattling on about, so ten minutes later he says, “Well, that’s about it. Any questions, before we fill in the Health insurance paperwork and get you all enrolled?”

         Mr. Guinness speaks, “You expect us to make a choice right now,…today?”

        “Well sure, there are only two to choose from the low plan and the high plan. Just pick the one that fits your pocketbook better.”

       “Excuse me, but I have to analyze the elements and then compare them to what we have now before I can make that choice.”

       “Look sir, just pick one, your old one is being cancelled by your employer today , so it’s no longer an option, he’s moving his business over to our Company,period.”

       “I see, well then just after a superficial pan of this pile of twenty pages of information you just handed me ten minutes ago, I have a couple of questions. Why is it the plan only covers the “generic” prescriptions, and not the medication my Doctor prescribes for me? Oh Yeah and why is it my “new deductible is now $2,000 per person and $6,000 for just my wife and I combines, which to me says it’s really $3,000 each, and why is the Co-pay now up to $10,000 versus I believe the old plan was $1500, and …well let’s start with those, shall we?”

       “Well sir you’re looking at the “low end” plan. The other plan is most similar o the one you currently have, if you’ll look at the details of the other plan.”

       “I’m sorry, I looked at the cost per month for me and this “low end” one is $10 more expensive a month than what I already have,…..hmm in looking at the “other plan” I see it answers all my questions, I apologize,….all but one that is. Why is it going to cost me $1,000 a month more than the one I have now which already has that stuff in it? And am I mistaken or  are both the old plan, the new “low end” and “other plan all from the same company, Blue Ripoff of Florida?”

        “Well they all are from the same company, but they are negotiated plans, and what with only four of you it’s tough to negotiate anything better, you understand. Now, shall we go ahead and fill in the forms.”

        “No way Jose! Not until I have adequate time to do my due diligence.”

       “Well, you employer already did the Due Diligence for you.”

       “Be still my heart, now I really feel better, he’s a bigger idiot than I thought he was.”

      “Sir that was uncalled for.”

      “Ok if I don’t “pick one” what happens?”

     “Well you just have to sign this waiver of insurance form and off you go,..here you can sign right there.”

     “I’m not waiving my health insurance at all. I’m waiting for a reasonable replacement, and I also need timeto reviewthis as I’m not an expert on Group Health Insurance, so I’m not filling anything in today,….are we clear on that? You do understand as we all sit here together I am NOT waiving my right to health insurance, and I have asked for reasonable time to review all this paperwork?”

         “Well we have to have it back by Fridayat the latest.”

         “And if I don’t?”

         “Well we will have to go back and recalculate all the other employees insurance rates, and most likely it will push theirs up if you don’t sign up, you wouldn’t want that to happen after all.”

        “Well like the old time movie says, ‘Frankly Charlotte, Idon;t give a damn.’, you know?”

        After coming home and sitting down with my wife, reviewing the two options, and what they each contained and our “out of pocket” expenses for each over and above what we were paying with the other company it works out as follows;

           Old Company ———————–      $9,281.64  (plus 20% co-pay)

            New Company (low end policy)–   $17,161.12 (plus 50% co-pay)

           New Company (high end/”other) —  $24,591.16   (plus $6,000 deductible.)

            My freaking health insurance is going to be almost a thousand dollars a month more than my house mortgage payment including taxes, insurance and interest!!!!   Are you mad??

           So I spent a ew hours yestersday drew up a full spreadsheet outlining the differences in the three plans, made a copy and as my fearless “Boy King” comes in after his four day junket to Tennessee, I hand it to him and said, “This does not work for me, it’s unacceptable.” His answer?

        “Well I gotta go check my mail box and we can talk about it when I get back, we’ll work it out” That was after 4 pm yesterday. I never take lunch so I leave at four, which I did. I’ll let him think about it until Monday. Then all hell will break loose if he doesn’t “work it out”.

      Between my mortgage and my health insurance I’m $5,000 a month over what I make!

      “Oh honey, save the old pantyhose, just cut the legs from the knee down and save them for me, I’m going to need them soon!”

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