Posted by: guinness222 | March 3, 2009

“Uh,..oh,….Dear Valued Customer,..”

         Yup, got one of them from one of my credit card companies today. Now it’s only a little card that I keep a $1,000 max level on (The lower the limit the less likely the ID Theft, and if they do, worst case I’m still solvent. I don;t keep much more than that on any of my accounts, I stopped buying Mercedes on my Credit Cards years ago! 🙂 )

        As I read through it I find it’s a “This is the way it’s going to be, we don’t really care if you like it or not. If you don’t like it, pay up the card and send it back, if you are “good” with the changes we’ll let you stay,…..for now!”

       #1 Change the “Annual Percentage Rate (APR) on purchases and balance transfers will be 22.9%. “The rate will be determined by adding 19.65% to the Prime Rate.”

       #2 Change the “Annual Percentage Rate on Cash Advances will now be 24.9%. “The rate will be determined by addingt 21.65% to the Prime Rate.”

      #3 Default Annual Percentage Rate (?) “A variable rate equal to 29.4% as of 1/28/2009. Your default rate may vary monthly. RThe rate will be etermined by adding 26.15% to the Prime rate.”

                      Note A to #3 :  “If we recieve your payment threee or more days after yoiur payment due date twice within any 12 billing periods, we may increase your APR’s immediately to the above default APR. We will return you to your prior non-introductory APR’s if you make at least the minimumpayment on time for 12 consecutive billing periods.”


          OK, so we are all in this together, I gotta do my part, but it’s looking more like popping by the corner to borrow a couple of hundred from “Fat Louie” might be a simpler answer,…..or the alternative of moving into “cave mode”. Bring a club, plan on hunting the neighborhood after dark for some “filet of poodle” , or perhaps some lean “Kitty Kat chops”. Always keep one cat with you at all times, if they an eat the green stuff and don’t “barf” in ten minutes take some ofthat home to the cave for “garnish”.

        I wonder if “Fat Louie” is going to move his office to the local Walmart parking lot, or even inside Walmart? “You’se wanna couple a bucks for da sale shit theyre runnin’ dis weekend?” Ahhhh, Louies golden tones as he smiles and gives the little kids lollipops as they come in.

       I found Louie having a cold beer at the Pub yesterday and had a chance to chat with him about the current economy and the moves the credit card firm and banks are making. (Louie and I have known each other for years so he speaks frankly with me, and by the way I’ve changed his name so his family doesn’t get hassled when they go out to dinner at Fat Clemenza’s place.)

      “So Louie, what’s your take on this whole financial meltdown thing?”

      “Well, I tell ya’ ,dem idiot bankers all think  da same, fancy schmancie suits, Armani knock offs’ trust me, you think they’re buyin’ dem wit there own money? Hell no, put it on da expense account as “client entertainment” cuz dey went over to Simon Goldberg’s tailor shop to get it fitted right,…ya know?”

      “Some folks have criticized your “collection policies”, any comments?”

      “Hey Mr. G. youknow the game, we talk it over before we even make a “loan”, and if ya do da math you’ll see our rates are damn near the banks rates. We ain’t threatening you wit no ” De fault Interest Rates” ; you’se know what it costs ya when I gives you da money. You don;t keep in touch, you don’t pay,…well you’re hurtin’ my cash flow,ya know?”

      “But having “Leftie” and “Two Finger Tony”, going out to make the collections,….well it seems a little threatening, know?”

     “Hey, we neva hurt anyone unless they ain’t honest wit us!”

     “What about Mrs. Watkins, you flushed her prize toy poodle down the toilet. You mean that was not a little “over the top”, even for you?”

     “Mr. G, I’m only gonna say dis one time, I got a business ta run, ya know. I mean Mrs. Watkins just bought a new Lexus sedan, the full leather version,…and den she tells me she ain’t gonna be able to cova da monthly ‘vig’,…now I ask you is that responsible sound thinking on her part?”

     “Well, I see your point, but flushing the poodle?”

     “Da little shit kept bitin’ my ankles, I told Leftie to shut him up,…mybe I was not as specific as I could be,…but Mrs. Watkins got da point,…she paid the next day, and I could continue helpin’ other folks out. That’s the way business has ta’ be, ya know?”

      “Well Thanks Louie, I gotta go. The wife wants me to pick up some Ice cream next door at the Supermnarket on the way home. Been great chatting with you.”

      “Yeah, you too, Mr. G. , say you need a couple bucks for da’ Ice Cream, I could give ya ten for fifteen next month, since we’re friends and all I’ll cut you a break.”

      “Hey Louie, thanks, I really appreciate it, but I’m gonna put it on my credit card, it’s only $6 for a half gallon, and I get those frequent flyer miles too, but Thanks.”

      “Hey your choice, them Frequent Flyer miles is great, I used some last month when I had to sent Tony down to Miami to,..ah,.. make a collection for me. Keep da faith guy, and you know where to find me if them dip shit bankers start to ramp up da crunch on ya’.”

     (sigh) I just can;t wait to see whats in the mail today!



  1. I am finding I need to use the ‘block call’ feature a lot on my phone this morning… it ain’t one bit pretty, either. :/

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