The Emerald Rose

          Ok for those interested here’s the schedule and the explanations I’ve recieved. (with assorted snide comments, smirks, and stuff)

          Friday, April 10th, I have to go to a morning of  “pre-admission testing”, blood workup, and whatever else they have to do. (They don’t call it Good Friday for nothing.) Then go home, relax, enjoy Saturday, and Easter Sunday,, the 12th of April….until 7p.m. that is. Then I have to make the journey back to Pensacola, (about an hour and a half) and make “bed check” before 8p.m., and enjoy a good nights sleep in a strange bed, in a strange place, until 6a.m. the 13th.

         Then they will wake me from my slumber, “prep” me for the operation, (I have so many places they shaved hair from for the heart Catheterization, the leads for all the stress test things all over my chest, legs, etc. I look like an old dog with a serious case of mange already), and off we go for an 8 a.m. start. According to the surgeon they are going to take one vein from my chest, two from my leg (which one not that it’s important other than if they are both from the same one will I have a limp?).

        Then using his “special little Skil Saw” the Doc will cut through my chest bone and open it up. They will then find the “offending arteries” “graft” the end of a vein before the blockage, slide it around the blockage, and graft it in on the other side,….hence the name “by-pass” surgery. They will repeat the process two more times so I will wind up with a “Triple By-Pass” (According to the Doc, two of the arteries are virtually totally blocked, the third is “heavily” blocked, and this will , if left unfixed, allow me to take a nice ambulance ride some day with the sirens and everything, WHICH is not one of the things on my “Bucket List”, …..if I had one.

      After that they pull the chest bone (sternum) back in place, staple it together, zip me up and go for coffee. All in all they estimate about four hours to do it.

     They decided to pass up on the 80% blockage in my Carotid Artery at this time as it might create too much stress all at once, so after I get all healed and back in shape they’ll go in and fix that sometime this summer.

     The Doctor says I’ll be in Intensive Care for five or six hours to make sure there are no “leaks”, then on to a “cardiac recovery” area for several hours, and then back to a real room, all of which time I will essentially be “stoned” and singing like Bob Dylan. They estimate I’ll be in the hospital for four or five days and then home to recover.

        By careful calculation at 24 ounces a “pint”, and three pints a day, I’ll be behind 3+ gallons of Guinness when I’m sent home. (Make a note, put in coordinates to the Blackberry of  the nearest Pub to the hospital serving Guinness 🙂

        The other thing is five days of hospital food! Now that’s a scary part right there, it’s my heart that is the problem, so why can’t I just send out for some Fish ‘n Chips, and Cream Brulee, give those carrots and cucumber sticks to someone who really needs them. (If what the Doc is telling me , i.e. that this will make my heart “good as new and it’ll be great for another 40 to 50 years”, then why can’t I have the Fish ‘n Chips?

        If I don’t lose at least twenty pounds that week I’ll be totally disappointed. (I’ve really been curious what my feet look like, been years since I saw them by looking down. Gee, I hope losing my “gut” doesn’t throw my equilibrium off, or worse yet make my ass so “un-padded” that the bar stool will feel uncomfortable!

        My job until then is relax, get plenty of rest, keep a proper mental attitude,…..and make sure the Insurance card is “up to date” so they can get paid. (No one’s telling me what this whole little thing is going to wind up costing. Last time I looked, before the heart catheterization we were up over $18,000 with tests and all that crap.) Add the whole Catheterization procedure, now this By-pass stuff, and I think I will have to stay with the insurance company for at least 50 more years and pay those outrageous premiums for them to break even. (Heh, heh, heh,….this coming February I get national Medicare insurance from the government, so it looks like the insurance company is going to take it in the shorts. Gee, I’m sorry you scum sucking maggots, but add up all the “premiums” I’ve paid you since I started working full time at 18 year, and the lack of any significant claims I’ve ever made against it, and re-think the case you greedy bastards!

       Well, I’ll be writing more this week as I find it makes time pass faster, and is good therapy for me. Oh and there is a God, because I’m going to be out and in the hospital from the 13th to the 18th, Our Accounting Guru is going to be on a cruise with his girlfriend from the 12th to the 18th, and our bookkeeper/administrative person/receptionist,/ and all round girl Friday is going to be out of town from the 11th to the fifteenth. (Wonder if the Boy King knows how to answer a phone, or find anything,….ahhhh to be a fly on the wall! Since he’ll be the only one in the office I guess he needs to begin taking notes, plus 8 hours in the office,….an entire three days worth of that? He may be ready for the “rubber room”,…heh,heh,heh.

       Off to play a little on my computer for a while.

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