Posted by: guinness222 | April 8, 2009

“Funny how we think,…or is it?”

     Writing for me is a very cathartic experience. It’s almost like once I get something out and written down, …well,…everything seems to be better, a little clearer, and I can better move on with life. Recently is probably the biggest “experience” in life I’ve had yet. How do I know? ‘Cause I been running them all over in my head. Not like the “life flashes before your eyes”, type of stuff, but sort of reviewing my whole life. Sort of morbid and introspective, I will admit, but necessary, and thus far somewhat enlightening, motivating, and even (shudder) a “raison ‘etre”past this and do something of a “life changing” nature.

        First of all I’ll share a few “glimpses” of what’s been running through my head. As I sit writing this our entire home is shuddering, like an earthquake, there are severe, best word I can come up withis “concussions” with every “shudder”. It’s actually normal and I don;t think I’ve ever really thought much about them since I first found out eleven years ago what they were. They are explosions. Explosions over ten to fifteen miles away, so that will give you an idea of the magnitude of them. They are the “proof of the pudding” at the Testing Range at Eglin Air Force Base. They designed, built and tested those “bunker buster” bombs that burrow hundreds and hundreds of feet below the earth and THEN explode.  That was back in 2003, can you imagine what they are testing now? In fact one was so powerful about seven years ago they had to take it out to the deep desert out west to test it, it was so powerful. But from that I think about what it might be to live somewhere where these were being dropped. The sheer magnitude of the explosion, the destruction, the loss of life, the loss of innocent people. But then I wonder where has the world gone wrong that governments would even think about such power and devastation because of thier leaderships selfish, personal power trips. Like my old buddy “I’m a dinner jacket” in Iran. We build these weapons of mass destruction because we have to, not because we want too, of that I believe. But the bodies ripped apart, the lives ended, the hopes of individuals tron from them. With this I have difficulty.

         Another glimpse, what about me? About two years ago I started a blog entry called “The Doomsday Letter,…or “Ooops, there I went!” It would be my ultimate last  blog before I passed on. Instructions were to be written and given to my children to publish it on this site for all my “peeps”, just to let them know that the “-30-” at the end of each of my posts, (which was an old newspaper reporters way of communicating with the typesetter that that was the end of the piece) was to let you know that was the end of me. But I’ve not written the instructions, nor am I giving any instructions at this time as I am confident on my surgical survival and recovery from Bypass surgery next week. Besides I still really have not “made my mark” the way I want to on this world I live in. Which brings me to the next topic.

         With just a couple of my “glimpses”, a couple of my “brain on steroids” impulses and thoughts I’m sitting here with the most empowering feel ing that there is much more for me to do, much more for me to communicate, and not just in a blog, but in the world.

        Accordingto the “pop” psychologists, I’m poor because I want to be poor. And acccording to them, I have no goals, no objectives, no “career path” or “road map” to specifically what and where and who I am to be,….because I have none of the trappings attributable to a “purpose driven life”. That sort of bothers me quite a bit. You second guess yourself and beat yourself up and that little voice sneaks into your head and says things like “you didn’t prepare enough to take care of your wife,…your children, your debts, your clients, etc. etc.,etc. You didn’t take care of yourself, you didn’t exercise regularly, you didnt eat “healthy”, you used to smoke two, almost three, packs of cigarettes a day. You jest about Guinness but is it really a jest, or a delusional joke? All valid questions but I’m not going to go there on any of them,….for that’s the negative side of life. So where am I going?

        Well being a little short on brain cells, I went in to the “Boy King”, my boss, told him the compensation levels were beyond toleration, and that his recent decisions had put me in a position that was untenable. Therefore as of June 1,2009 I am leavingthe Company, I am takingthe two clients I brought into the company with me, and I am activating my own company fully. AND the only reason it’s June first and not the end of this week is because I want to get all this medical crap done and out of the way and get “re-invigorated” and ready to “hit the ground running”  with my own career. I am going to do managment of two local Associations, promote myself as a consultant through out the entire Southeastern United States for Community Association operations and “governance” and otherwise answer to no one else but myself and capture all the things I wish I had done. (And maybe even some of the “fun things” I’ve always wanted to do. The surgeons assure me the triple by-pass, cleaning out the carotid artery and all will get me more than enough years and a makeup and energy level of a 40 year old again IF, I start eatinghealthy, exercisingmoderately, and partaking of the Vitamin G (Guinness) in reasonable quantities. Sounds like a plan.

       A little risky at 64? No more than waking up every day.

     I am a “worker”, I can not even picture myself as “retired” or out playing golf and deepsea fishing or fly fishing, or any of that other stuff. I was born to work, I was born to create, and I was born to LOVE it. Which I do,…believe me. And here’s why,…

          There’s no time to be sick, theres nothing that can’t be done better, and more efficiently, there is no system that is perfect, and most importantly there is so much more to learn and apply to get the “high” of doing a job well,…..for yourself, not for someone else!

           I was an entrepreneur when I was a small child, self employed selling greeting cards at nine, mowing lawns at ten and eleven, all those little things,…and LOVING it all the time. The old German expression “Work will set you free” is so correct. That work ethic makes life good, makes family good, makes living  good, and is what made this country both great and good.

        Perhaps we’ve lost some of that, I really think so, but who am I to decide that. What I do know is I will, in my own way,   make my mark over the next ten or twelve years. Then I’m going back to college to finish my History Degree because I firmly believe we are doomed to repeat history if we don’t pay attention to it. After that maybe a cruise or a European vacation for a month or so, then back to work.

         But it all begins and ends with my head and where that is. Would I be a good politician, …never, too much bull shit and too many ethical and moral trade-offs required. Would I be a good Corporate CEO, no again, you can never be the “real” you, you are a “molded you”, molded in the form of the Company , or a shining member of local Society and Philantrophy,…naw, I dress the way I’m comfortable feeling, would far prefer a Guinness at the Pub with a biker, or any other patron, because they are living life,….not pretending it,… than wearing a Tux, sipping a martini, and smiling through the small rounds of appluase because you “have to”.

         That is the one thing life is far too short for ,….pretending.

        Like the old joke about the young Nun protesting to the Mother Superior about the language of the construction workers next door to the convent. How vile and embarrasing it was and how un-Christian it was. Mother Superior assured her they were hard working Christian folk whose lot in life was hard, but they were honest and called a spade a spade. The young Nun shook her head and said, “No they don’t they call it a ‘ fuckin’ shovel’.”

        I’m just the hard working guy who calls a spade a spade, and when I eventually run out of work and it’s time to go and leave the world (at least 40 years from now!), ….well hopefully I’ve bettered many more lives than not, and as the first tenant of the Hippocratic Oath, which Physicians take says, “Harm(ed) no one”.

-30-


Responses

  1. Got my fingers crossed for ya, dude. I would say I am praying for you, but with my influence with Him, you might wake up with a castration instead of a bypass. Best not push it.

    But I will send good thoughts and vibes your way, mate.

    I suggest you tell the doctor, instead of stapling and sewing you up, to put in a zipper in case you have to have this done again.


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