The Emerald Rose

      Ok I guess I’m getting better because my temper is returning, my “level of Tolerance” is becoming more acute, and I am wondering if I am the only idiot left on this planet who is willing to take responsibility for my self.

       Let me back up a bit. After my “CABG” (pronounced “cabbage”, nice acronym for Coronary Artery Bypass Graft) I was pretty sore and weak. In fact a lot more so than even I anticipated. (Mental note to self: “You’re 64 stupid, not 24,…takes longer to heal and get better.”) Anyway I started eating better, even going out and walking five, ten then fifteen minutes in the neighborhood,….but truth be told it was not the “dramatic improvement” I was expecting. Finally about the middle of the third week after surgery I was really finding the 800 pound Gorilla on my chest was gaining weight and making it really difficult for me to breath,….so I had mama take me to the hospital and checked in there to get things resolved. (Seems it was a fluid buildup in my chest cavity and they drained it the next day but noticed my heart was “fluttering” so they opted to keep me in there and overhaul my medications , etc. etc. for the next five days. I’m out now, feeling much better, joined cardiac rehab this week have this AWFULLY mean looking diet I’m supposed to get on for the next two months which will drop about another fifteen or twenty pounds, and a minimum of five inches from my waist, and make me “feel better”. Juries out on this but I’ll give it a try and see.

        But back to fraud and abuse and corruption, my focus in this entry. About a week after I got home from the hospital I got a call from this “Nurse” explaining to me that my health insurance plan had this marvelous feature where she and I would start a dialog and she could help me understand my illness and the treatments and future developments and outcomes.

         Sounded funky as hell to me, so I asked a few questions and she expanded that the Insurance Company wanted to “help” the patients understand what was going on the sysmptoms and be able to get good solid information and answers to ease thier minds. I asked where she was and she tells me she’s about 400 miles away in a call center,….but she has the records and most up to date information, etc. etc.

        “So what do you know that my Doctor isn’t telling me?”

        “Well nothing, but we are here to ease you’re mind and answer your questions on your treatment plan and any “bumps in the road” you come across during your healing process. In fact if you have a question in the middle of the night or are feeling something strange,….well just call us we are manned 24/7, 365 days a year just for you.

        (Does this sound like pure bullshit to you boys and girls?) From some call center they know shit about me. They want to send me booklets, information kits, etc. why? I believe it’s me and my Doc that are involved. I got a question,….I ask him. He doesn’ answer to my satisfaction, we stop until he does. It’s my body, my health and my nickel here. Not some bimbo in a call center filing her nails waiting for her shift to end who can read the medical equivalent of “google” to me over the phone. Or could it be even more sinister?

         This whole thing is like the twilight zone. Do you know anyone who would simply say “Take me I’m yours, do whatever you want to me, I don’t really care, cut me open, pull out my heart, remove my toenails from the inside, slice up my liver with some fava beans Clarise, I’m yours!”

          Everyone inj the world has a vested interest in something, what is the Nurse/”Coach” ‘s angle? (Call me a cynic if you will, but someones paying her weekly check and I’m damn sure it’s not a minimum wage amount,….so what’s her job?

          Maybe to discourage me from calling my Doctor and telling him I am having trouble breathing by telling me “Oh, that’s a normal post operative complication it will resolve it self over the next few weeks,….just offer up the pain and say a prayer with me, don;t dial 911.”

         Well since then (and by the way since this “Nurse /Coach” could not satisfy my questions I told her to kiss off and sell pencils on the corner and don;t call me again,….I got a question I ask MY Doc, not her, I want answers I damn well better get them from MY Doc first before I do “dial a nurse” In other words,….I just don;t trust them, their motives, and /or  thier methods.

        Since them I’ve gotten three more calls from three other “Nurse/Coach/ Mentor/ Advocate” type services paid for by my health insurance company, and I’ve told them all to go pound sand after all they can do is offer me pamphlets and DVD’s and an 800 number 24/7 to some godforsaken call center. “Look, why don’t you all just go home and chuck the cost of your “services” against my monthly insurance policy expense, do us both some good, you know?”

          The one this morning told me is was really essential that they “build a trust bridge with the patient, and answer all the questions they have as usually no one else will do it” Hello? This is the twenty-first century here, we stopped using witch doctors and shamans eons ago and we educate our Doctors and nurses, particularly the one who are going to put thier paws on me in any way shape of form.

        I sure as hell did not go down to the local car dealership and ask them to give my open heart surgery a crack,….of that I will guarantee you. So what’s the angle here?  The only one I see is wasting my health insirance premiums on some silly ass program cause it “sounds good” on paper!!

         Well enough for today’s rant. You really want to do me some good, approve full body massages for one hour every other week at a licenced masseuse therapists. Let me learn my body and both de-tox and more importantly de-stress it for real versus reading your damn pamphlets and tracts and watching your bloody DVD’s.

       Once again clear and demonstrative evidence that there are no lifeguards on the gene pool!! Scary, huh?

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