Posted by: guinness222 | August 14, 2009

Yeah! All plumbing work completed!

   Well, it’s all done, triple by pass, carotid artery “rotor rooter” job, 45 pounds gonzo, able to walk a brisk 3-4 miles a day, and most importantly,….on the right side of the grass.

      Obama better find a solution for health care, I reckon by all the bills I’ve gotten and what the insurance company paid I clocked them for about $250,000! I feel better. (Don’t get mad, get even!)

      So now that there appears to be a 40 year old body on a 64 year old frame, with a 30 year old mindset,….well, time to get on with the next 60 years!

      Going down the Pub tonight for the first time in a week, (it’s a kind of “economic stimulous package” for the Pub owner when I show up.) Seriously though I guess I have to learn a new word in my vocabulary, “moderation”, that’s a tough one for me, but I’ve got incentives now,….1) continuing to breath, and 2) staying the hell away from all those God aweful “things” they inflict on your body when you have a heart attack or a stroke. Trust me in the last four months I’ve had the S**t kicked out of the old bod, but like the Everready Bunny I keep coming back. Now, since I didn’t “stroke out” or have the “big one” (Watch old re-runs of Sanford and Son for an explanation) I guess it’s time to get back into life a little,..scratch little, a LOT more.

      Things that I didn’t know, that you might find interesting;

         1. In most cases now they don’t use “stitches” on incisions anymore, the use a form of  “Super glue”. The crap works great, even though at first the cut looks all “puckered up” as it “settles and heals” it flatens out. In fact about half my Open heart scar isn’t there to the average on-looker. (Not that I’m running around with my shirt open to my naval and saying “See my scar”.

       2) Thanks to the military they have developed a thing which I think they call “C-pak” which comes in different sizes, looks like a 1/4″ thick piece of foam packing, has a clear layer on one side and the other is the foam stuff which is an instant coagulator to close or stop wounds from bleeding,…and it works great! They had to put an “arterial line” into my femoral artery, (The one that runs directly from your heart down to your groin and then down the legs, actually the biggest artery in the body) in the groin. When the nurse came to take it out she just popped one of these on it, heald it in place for about 30 seconds, and that was it, no more bleeding,…how cool is that?

       3) the new beds that they have in hospitals are really , really cool. At the touch of a foot pedal the entire matress (which is nothing more than a big bag of air) deflates and your flat out and ready for CPR, the paddles (you know the “Clear!” ,…zap from the TV and movies.  They also automatically weigh you by simply touching a button, and poof, and electronic display lights up with your weight. (Unfortunately it’s all done in “kilo’s” so you have to multiply by 2.2 to get to pounds) They also sort of adjust into a really cool “recliner” type chair as well!

       4) They have all kinds of  “feel good” stuff. Like in the Pre-op area the 2×4 flouresent  light fixtures all have like a little 2×4 scene thing on them, kites, clouds, that kind of stuff, very relaxing.

       5) Hospital food has greatly improved, like I wrote before they call you a few hours before and ask what you would like to eat from a menu,….uless your Doctor has “retted you out” and told them diabetic, or cardiac menu. When they bring your food, guess what, it’s hot, and there is like a cash register receipt on the tray with the complete breakdown of the entire meal, fat, carbs, dietary fiber, sodium, etc. etc. (But they still steam the shit out of vegetables, there is but one level of meat,…well done, and they need bigger glasses for beverages. I’ve seen bigger shot glasses!

       6) The nursing staff sure knows a lot more now, the Doctors actually come and talk with you, not TO you, even the anethiesiologist came by and talked. (One I was sure I wasn’t getting the same shit Michael Jackson got I was good with it!)

      Things that still need improvement;

       1) The only coffee they have is Starbucks. I can not imagine a worse cup of coffee! (Starbucks opened a new store in Poland and the folks go in, buy the coffee, go out and dump it in the gutter, and refill the cup  next door, It’s all about the appearance of having “arrived” into the upper classes, not the reality that Starbucks coffee sucks. Tastes like liquid dirt, with fertilizer. Give me good old Maxwell House!

          2) The needles they use are still no better than the idiot on the giving end. In this case, to re-arrange the good book a little, “Tis more blessed to give than it is to recieve”, an injection anyway.

          3) Before they can let you out you have to prove that all your “natural body functions” arre working the way they should. Now since I was not allowed to get out of bed for 24 hours after the operation the nurse gave me a choice of the plastic jug to pee in, or the “condom catheter”. Yup, it looks just like a condom only has a tube coming off the end that goes into the collection bag. They need to put a “glue” on first so it doesn’t “blow off”, then they put on. Very wierd feeling indeed. But I was amazed how the old bod just would not give up the “contents” to it. Four or five hours later she tells me if I don’t pee I can’t go home, AND they’ll have to put a regular catheter in. (They don’t like using them anymore because of the rate of infections they seem to cause) I tried to explain to her that all I needed was a couple of beers and she could have all the pee she wanted, “Bada Bing, Bada Bang” She would not get me any! So I drank two liters of water, three apple juices, two cranberry juices, two cups of  coffee, and then “old Faithful” got over being a prude. But She was off shift by then and the new nurse came in to start the catheter, looked at the collection bag and said, “Where did all that come from?”. I said  “It would have been a lot easier if you guys just gave me a couple of beers!” BUT, When I went to check out, the condum catheter had to be removed. (Word of advise here: Gluing anything to your “thing” is definately not advisable, and hurts like a mother getting peeled off! Guess next year is the target date for glue disolver.

    Well, it’s feeding time (lunch) and then off to the office to sign some checks, give a few instructions, and then off to buy a book to celebrate, and finally to the Pub for a pint of Guinness and watching the Golf Tounament.

     (Oh yeah, my wife is scared. ” With all this extra oxygen getting to your brain you could be dangerous.” My local friends all agree, so I’ve agreed to keep it down and ask the Doc for something to slow down my mind. (NOT!!)



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