The Emerald Rose

       Old adage used for evaluating things, we all have used it. I wonder some times if maybe that should become the prerequisite for any decisions we make. For example;

      Yesterday evening I picked up the mail on my way home and there was a little flyer from Dell Computers. Generally I scan them to be sure I haven’t “missed the curve” on technology, but this one had, in big bold letters across it, “Insider Sale for our Dell Preferred customers only!” Well that would be me.

       About five years ago I needed a new computer badly, the old one was so chocker block full, and I had so many programs and “stuff” on it that I could turn it on, go shave, shower, and get dressed before it came up and was “workable”. Then I would rip off a few lines or commands and sit back, enjoy my coffee and wait for the ‘puter to catch up. (Now that’s bad!) So I bought a new computer, after five calls to Dell’s order desk, tweaking the hard drive size, memory, processor options, etc.. At the end of the call the guy says, “Would you like to open a Dell preferred account with us sir?” So I figured what the hell. I had bought socks on line, some books from Amazon, but never anything that large and expensive on line, and “on the one hand” if it didn’t work and I’d paid for it ,…well, the thoughts of weeks and weeks and months and months and a phone bill that cost more than the damn computer trying to get them to make it right,…..BUT “on the other hand” with the Dell preferred account there was like a free 90 days with no interest, then either easy payments or simply pay it off. Hmmmmm. That would basically mean I could run the hell out of it, make sure every single thing and part was working the way it should, and then I’d be happy to pay the balance. So I did it, and opened the account.

        The the flyers started coming religiously, and I would read them, realizing that 60 days after the first computer I ordered from them it was “old and outdated” technology. That’s when the realization hit me like a sledge hammer between the eyes! DELL was my drug dealer!!

        The flyers/catalogues were well done, enticing, never hard selling but the new models were just dripping off the page, like a gorgeous blonde neighbor taking off her clothes to go for a swim in her pool, while you sat there with a glass of Iced Tea trying to concentrate on reading War and Peace.  Ah the sleekness, the raw muscle power inside the case, the promise of greater speed, faster processing,…..sold! My “Dealer” had just given me a taste of the evil narcotic, “techie juice” .

       That’s how it starts, next you get another computer, (a laptop,…yeah I really need the portability, that’s the ticket) , then you look up at the “old” printer, the old six year old laser that is like the Ever ready bunny, it just keeps going, …BUT….sure would be nice to have a color one, and look at the steal of a price on the one on the next page. Yeah, I could then print color stuff, maybe take up photography again, do my own Photo-shopping, and now be able to print them out in the gorgeous colors I saw through the view finder when I took the picture! DONE!

        “Uh, sir, that comes to more than your limit on your Dell Preferred Account.”

        Well, that should not stop me, so I ask “How much over the limit?” Still making payments on the computer I bought last year of course.

        “Could you hold a minute sir, and I’ll connect you to our Dell Preferred Department and a Preferred Customer Specialist?”

       I figured I’d be in the telephone hold mode for a week or two, but less than 10 seconds later, a bright cheery little girl picks up the line and in her best provocative voice like honey dripping off a spoon she says, “Hi Mr. Guinness, my name is Sharon and I see you would like to order a laptop and new printer but the total is a little over your credit limit with us, is that correct?”

    “Yes, it is Sharon, so I guess I’ll have to hold off on the printer for now, will that bring me back under my limit if we cancel that off the order?”

    “Oh Mr. Guinness, let me check something before we consider that option, that printer is worth every penny, and it ‘s color is spectacular. could you hold for a minute for me and see if there is anything I can do to help?”

     “OK.” She’s gone maybe 20 seconds and she’s back on the line.

     “I apologize for the delay in getting back to you, but I have some good news. I can raise your Credit Limit to cover everything you want, and a little bit more, would that help?”

    ” Absolutely!” (Well “on the one hand” I’d really like having that color print option available,…BUT…”on the other hand” can I really afford to spend that much?)

     “Ok Mr. Guinness we are increasing your credit line from $1,000 to $2,000. I know that’s about six hundred more than your total order, but just in case you want to get any cables or ink cartridges, or supplies we are just a telephone call away and we ship the same day.”

      “Oh,…so do I have to get back to the guy I was talking to and complete the order with him?”

      “Oh no, that won’t be necessary I just “pop” the little key on my computer and your order will be on it’s way.  How does that sound?”

     “Uhh, great.”

     “Done then, is there anything else I can help you with today?”

     “Uhh no, but thank you very much for all your help, good night.”

     And that’s how it began, a little taste of the drug, and then a free extra hit included when you buy the next hit. And then on and on and on!

     So here I am four years later, four new computers, three printers, a small server, dual monitor setups, and my Dell Preferred Credit limit is up to $4,500! But the good news is all I owe is a little more than $600. (That’s because of the new “mini” computer, you know the one with the 9″ screen, and that Atom processor. It’s a little slower than the rest, but my wife has bigger handbags than that “mini” in it’s case. (Perhaps I’ll find a good use for it soon,…..but it’s so cute!)

       So “on the one hand”,……

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