The Emerald Rose

    Well this year it’s a lot like New England,….cold as an ice cube! We have been down in the high 30’s and low 40’s for the past week or so. (Now granted in New England it got down to the -10’s or so,…but that’s why I left and came down here to get away from the cold and dismal!

     After a time in a warmer climate you blood tends to thin out a bit as well,…so the cold bothers the hell out of you more. But I will survive.

    Anyway it’s getting to be Christmas and I’m actually excited, number one because I’m still alive and kicking on the top side of the grass, and number two because I just am!

    My book is coming alone pretty well I’m into writing Chapter 10 and re-re-revising the previous ones when I don’t feel like writing. I have enough back up and reference material to become a downright expert on Cardio Re-hab, exercise and dieting to stay alive.

     Pet Peeve: the commercials on TV for all the drugs for depression and anxiety. It’s not the commercial it’s the A**hole at the end ripping through all the “possible side effects” which always include death and mayhem. Come on I understand we are a very litigious society, but after all, how about a General Motors Ad that adds, “And buying this car may lead to mild to severe cases of whiplash in an accident or possible death”? Or a cosmetics ad, for the ladies of course saying, …”And prolonged use of this coloring hair agent may lead to extreme loss of your hair and a stiffing of the hair to the consistency of wire”.  And then again how about an Ice Cream commercial,….””Use of this product in large doses will make you obese and subject to severe diabetes and eventual loss of fingers, toes, arms and/or legs and eventual death.” Or even a fast food ad, like the Colonel’s Fried Chicken,….” The surgeon General requires that you be made aware that the fats used in the frying process as well as the inherent fats in the product itself may lead to plaque in your blood stream in excessive quantities that will potentially cause a serious medical condition such as a stroke, coronary artery replacement, or in some cases death.”

        Man,…is nothing safe on this planet anymore. Even water has been linked to being overdosed and dying. (No lie, I read an article on it where someone drank so much water the kidneys could not take it any more and shut down and the went on to the “designer water” heaven.

        They stopped talking incessantly about cell phones causing brain tumors because of the inherent microwaves being beamed in and out of them, and it has promoted an entire new generation that came totally communicate without using a single properly spelled word for years,…”b-gud r I kik yo but”

        To much for our elderly senior citizens, and folks like my wife are extremely stubborn about it.  (First thing I had to do when I got her a newer used car and took over hers was to rip off the bumper sticker that said “Hang up the damn cell phone  and just drive”

        My newest pet peeve however is all the “challenged” folks playing those stupid mindless pre-school games like “Farmville” and the like on facebook. It has actually driven me to go on a whole pursuit of how to “UN-friend” someone on my “friends” list on my facebook. Ask me if I really give a shit that you planted some beans, or cleaned up an oil spill. I mean it just ain’t real and if you think about the pure waste of energy, brain cells and time involved you are screwing up my precious time because I am wearing our the scroll button on my blackberry trying to scroll past this crap to see what friends are actually doing or how they are feeling. Go get a job, a life, or whatever it takes to float your boat, but stop insulting my Intelligence with this crap!

     (Sorry, got a little “rip roaring” on that one 😦  )

       For all Southern American Males the year ended a few weeks ago when the College Football season ended, and all that remain are the “bowl games”. I suppose they were called that because way back when the winner got a silver bowl or the like as the trophy for winning. Now there are so many of then that rage on into the new year that they are a joke. Don’t get me wrong I like watching College football, but why not have a “Tidi-Bowl”, or a “Salad Bowl” or “The Soup Bowl”, or the “Cereal Bowl” ? Some are legitimate, like “The Sugar Bowl”, The Orange Bowl, but “The Rose Bowl” or the “Cotton Bowl”. I ask you when was the last time you saw cotton in a bowl, or roses even.

       Things not to do again,….Eat at “Jim and Nick’s BBQ”. Damn gained four pounds in one meal there over the weekend! I had the same experience the last time but I thought it was an aberration,…guess not (sigh) but damn is that good BBQ and the jot little cheese muffins in the basket (like about ten per basket), and the homemade potato salad with “Dukes” mayonnaise. (Dukes, like many other ” Southern specialties” were invented long before the world knew what a “calorie” , a “cholesterol reading”, or the word “obese” were ever coined, and still consumed by the tub full down here. (Incidentally the make a pimento cheese dip to die for, Literally. It’ s cream cheese with cheddar cheese, pimento and just about an equal portion of “Dukes” mayonnaise. As a concession to the health conscious it is served with celery sticks or the more traditional “crackers” (Damn,…more drool on the keyboard, sorry!)

        Here’s a “too damn dumb to learn” anecdote: My wife was in her usual festive holiday mood and decorating this past week end, I went to the gym to run because as I am always reminded my taste is in my shoes (never quite figured out what that meant, but I’m sure it’s not good.:) ) Anyway I came home and walked in and she had put this new Christmassy floor mat inside the door from the garage to the house. As I started to enter, my fantastic peripheral vision picked up what my minds eye deemed to be a couple of shoes on this mat,…so I sort of tripped trying not to step on them as I entered. Well ,…lo and behold, what they really were were three penguins on the mat. (Work with me here, penguin, lying on his back, white chest, and surrounded by a thicker black body,….don;t look directly at it but let your peripheral downward vision look at it. OK, now you know what I saw!)

       Anyhow not once, not twice, but the next three times I came in the door I almost tripped from trying not to step on the “perceived shoes” on the mat. Finally I said “Please move this damn mat somewhere else so I don’t kill my self tripping on it.”  And after the usual comments about my lack of memory and awareness or the “CRS syndrome” (“Can’t Remember Shit”) it was moved.

        I swear they really did look like shes, …I not lyin’!!

        Well got to get back to work. Since there is no “Boss” looking over my shoulder I decide priorities, and this was this mornings!

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