The Emerald Rose

      Well, some good news on the big old “blow-out” in the Gulf of Mexico, (about 1 1/2 miles from my humble home) they were able to get a six inch pipe inside a 24 inch pipe, and it’s collecting some of the oil.

      Great news,……or is it? MAYBE, at a maximum rate of flow, which they won’t get, they will capture 24% of the “blow out”, but the odds are it will be less than 10%, plus they are capturing highly volatile methane gas along with the crude, pushing it toward the surface from a depth of 5,000 plus feet, and I imagine the approximate 2300 pounds per square inch pressure, rising in this tube to a 15 pound per square inch surface level, and the gas expanding on it’s journey up,…..well it would not be a good idea to let anyone “flick their Bic” up there at the surface collection point! And what about the methane gas?

        Ever smell methane gas,….eeewwwww!!! Nasty, worse than a night of beer and pretzels with a few hot dog chasers,….yuk!!! So does this mean we are polluting the air instead of the Gulf?

       Also not being a scientist, but performing a little experiment at home here kiddies, you can take on of those straws that bend, bend it at a 90 degree angle and then stick the 90 degree end into a running stream of water from the kitchen faucet. Now aren’t you really impressed with the amount of water coming out the other end of the straw? Now we’re saving wildlife, and all the other ” fishies” we’ve come to know, love and eat! Oh yeah and don’t forget the shrimp! (Hey Lucy, I guess I may take you Aussies up on your invitation, so throw another shrimp on the ‘barbie for me.” 🙂

         But the question that still begs an answer is “What now stupid?” Latest thing they want to try is to stuff the end of the pipe with “mud” and then put concrete over it to stop the leak. DUH!!! Really good plan if it was not blowing out of the pipe at how many pounds per square inch pressure. Again all you Mr. Wizard folks, try plugging the end of your garden hose with mud. Cool,….until you turn on the faucet,….oh yeah, we can’t seem to turn the faucet off on this puppy,….ok try stuffing it with mud while the faucet is running. (Let me know how that one works for you.

      Here’s my humble little thought. How about we get a waterproof type fabric, you know like that micro stuff they make windbreakers and golf jackets out of, and we sew the puppy together into a gigantic umbrella shape, say about a half a mile in diameter, then attach little “tubes” to it, spaced every so many feet apart, until the umbrella begins to look like a big ass porcupine, or sea urchin. Then bring in a whole bunch of “Parachute riggers”, the guys who pack parachutes, and let them pack this thing up in a whole little air tight little package. With a few little directional charges to let it fully deploy over the broken pie are, (remember a half a mile in diameter). Because of the multiple tubes, or “spines” the velocity of the leaking oil should be radically slowed,, under the umbrella, while being diverted up the tubes to waiting ships to off load it to. Because the fabric itself has some ability to “bleed off” the nasty methane gas we should get a better flow to the surface, and since we have then “contained” the “blow out” hence provided more opportunity to find ways to seal the hole. Just a thought, not the complete solution, but at least containment of a sort.

          Things the world needs department – As we all know I have a mind that is like the contents of the “super collider” thing, you know the one that stuff is just flying around and we are hoping of the “big collision” to create that moment of creation. (In my case the moment of Inspiration.)   Anyway, the wife and I went to a new mall yesterday and with very adept navigational skills I was able to avoid all clothing, shoe, and other “ladies stuff” that they shop for and get into a new big huge bookstore, actually a ” Borders” store. As always I was looking for new and interesting “healthy” recipes. Sort of trying to put lipstick on the pig, you know? (Like what else can you do with chicken, fish and salads?)

       Now one of my wife’s teachings to this young healthy “grasshopper” is that you have to watch what you eat, whatever you take in is what gets you. (Way ahead in this respect as my little heart monitor exercise thingy I wear working out, tells me exactly how many calories I am burning off during each workout.) At the end of a workout I simply take this motivational tool, find the number of total calories burned, divide it by 92 calories (Calories in a Michelob Ultra beer, It’s on the label so it has to be true!), that tells me how many Mick’s” I need to replace those vital fluids and calories lost during the workout. Ok, Ok, …so some might say I am defeating the purpose and striving to a “zero sum” game. Well not really, for example. This past week, Monday morning until Sunday evening, I burned 4,800 calories, dividing that by the 92, the result is the equivalent of 52 beers. Now need I remind you that 52 – 12oz. beers would equate to 7.42 beers a day, which would not be “responsible drinking”, so I reduce it to 50%, or three or four a day and voila,….I’m on the weight decline. Simple, huh?

       My wife is not convinced, so I said, “Well how do I monitor the total calories I take in a day, as the formulas all say I need 2400 calories a day to basically live at my age, height etc.?”

      She hands me this four inch thick paperback book, (pages worn to hell) listing every conceivable food and ingredient and fast food items from virtually every fast food restaurant in the country, and tells the calories, good(?) fats, bad fats, carbohydrates, sodium and sugar contents per serving and the recommended per serving size. (Surely you jest! A teaspoon of Catsup doesn’t even cover a damn burger, even one of those shitty little 3 ounce ones, and hell you can only dip about three french fries and you’re out of catsup)

       Now since we live in the age of the computer chip that can hold the entire history of the world and every machination of chess moves and Suduko, why can’t some “brainiac” cram it all into a little handheld thing, even the cookbook making quantities, (four tablespoons of butter, three cloves of crushed garlic, etc.) and POOOF!!! It whirs, blinks, clanks, and spits out a number at you! Ok, so the pearl onions in the four tablespoons of butter and crushed garlic is about 1500 calories and the rest of the “bad stuff”, but at least I know the “GI” factor (“GI” = Garbage In).

       Just a thought, I must have slept good as it’s monday morning and these “brain droppings” as the late humorist George Carlin called them, are flowing freely.

      So much for today’s attempted dissection of a demented mind, gotta go start sewing my rip stop nylon half mile umbrella together. (I want to get this thing wrapped up by the weekend, after all the summer tourist season begins in two weeks and we need their money, trust me living in a tourist area with no tourists is functional community unemployment a la group. Even the cockroaches go hungry!

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