The Emerald Rose

       Just a few thoughts on political correctness as we approach the Holiday Season. Enjoy!

     As the song says, “In the meadow we can build a snowman,” Or can we. Whose meadow is it and if it is not yours do you have a lease option agreement with the legal owner licensing you to construct such a snow person? Furthermore what are the “approved” methods of constructing “snow people”. For example since the weather is fickle it may begin to melt and could consequently fall on a small child who unknowingly wandered into an unpatrolled construction site for snow-people. So I am sure there is a requirement for a solid steel structural infrastructure to prevent such “toppling over” effects,…..oh and of course the fact is that it more than likely falls within the purvey of the local building codes and therefore requires a permit and progress inspections during construction to insure it’s safety within our community; furthermore

      “We’ll pretend that he is Parson Brown”, …hmmmmown, is that the same Parson Brown as the alleged pedophile from across the other side of the state? We most certainly should require a background check to be made as well as a full “Release and hold harmless” agreement for the use of the name of such a person, and of course such releases are all done for consideration, hence we need to determine the relative value and quantity of the consideration and ensure it is properly annotated with the appropriate Internal Revenue form to insure such “passive income” is determined to be taxable or not for said Parson Brown, and insure it being properly filed on our end prior to the initiation of the construction phase of said “snow-person”

        “He’ll say are you married?”  Whoa! Wait a minute bucko, that is a personal infringement and an possibly discriminatory question. Whether you are married or not and your particular sexual preference is a very private and personal thing and as such to have both the question and any answer provided simply bandied about in public gatherings or worse yet public broadcasts of said question and answer,…unless you specifically sign off granting permission on the broadcast rights of your responses, which I am going to assume that you are granting without prejudice and may re-open the matter at a later date should the provisions of the agreement and release be in any way altered or changed for either the better or worse. But let’s move ahead here,

        “We’ll say no man, but you can do the job when you’re in town.” At this point you seem to be putting the cart well in front of the horse. Several key questions are yet to be resolved which have heavy bearing on this matter, so as your counsel I would strongly advise we discuss these in detail prior to either of you making any further statements. The law is still unclear on whether same sex marriages or the “civil unions” are legal in this jurisdiction, and if they are is this “Parson Brown” authorized by this State to conduct such a marriage or civil union? Additionally with the plethora of various STD’s and other health problems are both of you fully ready to make that committment under the eyes of the law, and if so then have you the appropriate licence providing state or local authority for such a union to be done? While you both, pardon me for making this assumption, appear to be of different gender, has that been conclusively attested to both scientifically and psychologically? Mary, and I use that word guardedly with Attorney Client privilege, you most certainly would not want to come home someday and find your “partner” wearing your wedding dress and thumbing through a Victoria’s Secret catalog with too much mascara on would you?    

        “Later on we’ll conspire, as we sit by the fire”. Ok folks we are going WAY out of my zip code here. I am a Personal Rights attorney and this “conspire” thing is way over the line, and I am bound by Canon ethics to notify Homeland Security and let them know that you have admitted to me that you intend to “conspire,….by the fire”. I am afraid at this point I will have to recuse myself from this matter and am really not able to recommend another attorney, however after Homeland Security has completed their investigation if they feel you are in further need of an Attorney the Supreme Court has ruled that you may have a public defender appointed even though you may not be able to afford them. Aren’t you glad we have such a strong Constitution and Bill of Rights that afford you all this personal protection? 

         Before I go I would like to let you know there will be no charge for this visit, and I will even give you a final free piece of advice,….since it’s the holiday season. Give it up, forget the whole thing and just runoff together to the North Pole and live together happily ever after. And if you should ever have any further legal matters in which I may be of assistance please don’t hesitate to call on me, here is my card with my personal cell phone number and feel free to call day or night.

         Is that a tear in your eye Mary?

        “No, it’s already April and we are both melting stupid!”    

-30-

      “Happiness depends on ourselves.”     – Aristotle