The Emerald Rose

         A little while ago I wrote a piece on the legal interpretations of a simple song like
“Walking in a Winter Wonderland” in today’s society, and sent it to a few
friends for the season. So many of them got a kick out of it I decided to see
if I could expand it a bit more and poke a little fun at our dysfunctional
society,….tongue in cheek of course. So here is installment #1

Songs, Statutes, Sanity, and Common Sense

       Let me set the  stage a bit for you.  Since my mother
wanted me to be a lawyer, and I just didn’t have the money, time, or inkling
back then, …I didn’t become one. But as life progressed it seemed like there
were more than enough folks becoming lawyers and I felt relieved. (My mom
didn’t but, hey,…stuff happens.) I developed a bit of an acerbic sense of
humor, and was reputed to be a sort of “wise-ass”, but I kept going.

       Finally one day I passed the Bar, a local bar with a varied clientele, good camaraderie, and
good conversation. I developed a number of concepts, one being the existence of
a “door-frame brain emulsifier”, which maintained that by and large everyone
coming through the door was there to relax and just be themselves, not the
Doctor, the Lawyer, or the occasional Indian Chief, but everyone stepping
through the door, bar none.  (Not to make
a pun but,…it happens!)

       I further enhanced that concept into an additional concept relative to the  super-growth rate of the “real people” gene (bet you didn’t even know you had those kind of genes), while one was inside the
local establishment. People all got a long, all chatted cordially, and truth be
known a lot of the problems of the world, the country, and the local area were
solved with great discussions. The down side was that as you stepped through
that door to go home, back to the office, or whatever your brain was
“reconstituted”, your real people gene began to shrink, and your evil
“politically correct” self once again took over your body.

        Most songs that have become popular, have made it strictly because of the “real people”
genes, and emulsified brains. We like what we like, and we are what we are,
…real people.

       Let’s take our first example, “I got friends in low places” by Garth
Brooks. A platinum hit for sure, but let’s have an Attorney look at this
song and all the legal implications. I’ve asked the distinguished and highly
educated legal expert, Arnold J. “Better be Right” Goldsmith to review this
song with us as to it’s legal and political nuances and overt dangers.

       “Blame it all on
my roots, I showed up in boots, and ruined your black tie affair”
What do you make of that Counselor Goldsmith?

       “Well, obviously this is a ploy to set up a defense for any subsequent actions as
being caused by the direct result of the socio-economic shortcomings of the
alleged defendants childhood, hence he should not be expected to know any
better at the time of any alleged infractions. The mere fact that he showed up
at an obviously self admitted black tie event with “boots” on is grounds for a
fashionista arrest by itself. Unless of course we were in Dallas, or Houston.”

        “The last one to know, the last one to show, I was the last
one you thought you’d see there.” Am I wrong or is this perhaps an overt
manifestation of deep seated anger issues?”

       “Absolutely, but more importantly the implied threat of obvious retribution, ‘the last one
you thought you’d see there’ to me is far more disturbing. There is an aura of
real ominous depth there for sure.”

      “The defendant , excuse me the alleged defendant, goes on to say “And I
saw surprise, and the fear in his eyes, when I took his glass of champagne”,….quite
apparently  a very threatening gesture which had a desired effect of placing the plaintiff in a position of fearing
for his life.”

      “You sure you’re not a lawyer son?”

     “ My mom wanted me to be, but,…well I turned out different,…you know?”

     “Yeah I see, but if you look at the next several remarks you will find the obvious crux of the
entire case, the flagrant attempt at the alienation of affections intended to
cast doubt into an otherwise picture book perfect wedding and reception party. ‘I toasted you,
said honey we may be trough, but you’ll never hear me complain’,  then he boldly bares the full
brunt of the threat, ‘Cause I got friends in low places where the whiskey drowns
and the beer chases, my blues away, But I’ll be okay. Now I’m not big on social
graces, think I’ll slip on down to the Oasis, Oh I got friends in low places.’  The jury will
have a field day with this admission, it might even be enough to offset the
victim of my environment defense.”

        So next time
you go stop and have a drink in a Pub remember,…”you better ghave friends in
low places, ‘cause sometimes they are the best ones,….emulsified brains and
all!   🙂

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