The Emerald Rose

OK, so I’m getting ‘soft’ in my “Senior” years,….but I want a good night’s sleep, (so does my sainted cat, Mr. Hiss!). In the “old days” it was from being being “Super stud”,….(OK, I lie.), but after 48 years of marriage, sleeping in the same bed, I need a good night’s sleep!!
No, it’s NOT lack of desire, …or ability, but at 69 years old a good night’s sleep is better than a free pass to “The Chicken Ranch”, for a week!! Heart attack not withstanding!!
With that in mind I asked my wife if she’d like to go to one of those “Sleep number” bed, retail stores about 65 miles away on Sunday , last week. She said sure so,after Church,and breakfast with friends,….off we drive.(I had called ahead and made an appointment for Noon time, and due to superior planning, extremely adept “flight planning”, and of course me driving the car, (there were a few episodes of ‘turbulance”‘ and a “discussion” of driving tactics, but ,…) we landed in the parking lot at 11:58am,….Am I good or what?)
I am a very ‘nasty shopper’, I offer EXTREMELY little personal information, never allow any facial expressions to occur, keep my hands in my pockets, and to really create confusion and frustration, wander off to look at little things and other pointless items, then wander back in the middle of the sales person’s presentation, and not say a word!! (It usually works well and they become confused, and then I jump! Question #1, Question #2, Question #3, and as my idol, Tony Soprano says,…”badda bing badda oom”.
Next thing she’s running for quotes from the printer. First quote, 3″ ‘special foam” pillow top, foundation with the two motors to raise your head and your feet independently, and of course the vibrating motors for both or your choice, AND of course ‘the wave” which makes the vibrator flow from the head to the feet and back! Then of course there was the extra cooling pad which kept your mattress cool all night! Like your bed when you first climbin, nice and cool and sweat free as the night goes on.
Then the “bottom line” almost $7,000 !!!!! I then proceed to go for the ‘plain Vanilla’ One mattress, with basic ‘foundation’, mattress cover and OK I’ll take the extra mattress cooling pad. (Ok so I dream about the Goddesses of “Charlie’s Angels”, Bruce Springsteen’s former wife, Cindy Crawford, and Ursula Andress. OK so I’m a retro beautiful women of the 60’s dude! I sweat a lot!!)
Well, that not withstanding, the “adjusted” quote came in about $3,000.
So we’re waiting for the delivery in two weeks!
I don’t argue over price, if I’m satisfied you are being fair with me,….we do business,…you try and “upsell me”, youare officially toast and going home with no commission!!!
M’bad???