Posted by: guinness222 | January 28, 2014

I didn’t sign up for this stuff!!

(Writers Note:  Wrote this one last January, and just found it in my “Drafts” folder,…ENJOY!)

Long ago in a far off galaxy I decided that living in Florida was preferable to freezing to death in New Hampshire, Maine and Massachusetts, or anywhere else in New England for that matter. Never mind fighting with the wife over “who’s got all the covers, ,” ( In all truth it wasn’t the wife, but the cats who hogged the covers!!) So we moved down here in the fall of 1997.
So here I sit, in “sunny” Florida this evening,at 36 degrees, looking forward to a HIGH of 26 degrees by 7am!!! AND a freakin’ high for the day tomorrow of 35 degrees.
Guess it’s time to look into moving to the real Florida, …Costa Rica!!!!!
But then again, it is a “real” Florida almost 11 months of the year as opposed to New England, which is Florida for only about six days of the year!
So what do we do in Florida on days like this, when it’s 26 degrees, wind chill factor of 18, and virtually no clothes other than shorts and tee shirts,…and a few golf shirts? We freeze our butts off, and help Walmart and all the other stores sell out of sweat shirts and socks! (“ Honey, do they mark these socks left and right or we gotta guess?”)

Guess there is no place on earth that is perfect, just an ,….”Oh my God, that’s where we need to live!!”,…poster we saw!
Do I hate the cold you got up there?……damn straight I do, do I hate the 100% relative humidity and 112 degree “heat index” in July, down here….damn straight I do,….BUT it is still the Florida Zip Code where I hang my hat. Maybe getting old is the “road to decay”, as a friend put it to me, or “the elephant burial grounds of FLORIDA”,…but I LOVE MY SHORTS!! (Not the boxers but the khaki ones with all the pockets, I wear every day, except Sundaybut I have one pair of tan slacks for that!!
After 55 years in New England, and the Lord knows there is a lot I miss up there, like summer in Portsmouth New Hampshire, The GREAT restaurants, (Fried Clams, all they got here are the Howard Johnson’s “necks”, (if y’all are a “Yankee” you know what I mean, the “bellies”,… the hustle and bustle of downtown Boston at rush hour, the historic ambience of Salem , Mass,…Paul Revere’s house, ….Plymouth Plantation, ….the Granary Burial yard, (YES, where the REAL Mother Goose is buried), as well as Paul Revere and dozens of other well known American Patriots. The Wharf in four point channel where the Boston Tea Party happened,…for real. So many good memories and happy days,….yet here I am in the 32459 zip code!
As a human being, “Yes Dorothy, …there is a warm place in the world.”, Florida is about as good as it gets in that respect,……overall.
I’m sorry if I offend many stalwart “Yankees”,…but FACT: (NEW ENGLAND JOKE ALERT !)  I have reduced my chances of having a heart attack from shoveling snow down here by 100%, saved hundreds of dollars on “snow tires”, cut my wardrobe costs by 60%, ( sweat shirts are cheap here!!), don’t even carry a “scraper” in my glove compartment, AND actually park my car in my garage! (If you are from the “Southern states”, a garage is where you store your “stuff”,…much like “Yankee” basements or “cellars”, they use them to grow “cock-roaches”. I am part of the “geriatric society” down here,…even women hold the door for me and say “After you sir.”. Well I reckon it really matters in the South. Elders are more respected, and folks here know how to “make your manners”, as my dear friend Doug taught me. It’s not all about me, but those in my generation, forget the “milleniums,….they  just flat don’t get it!

A few other dual stupid things to comment upon,.what about highway construction!

Ok, both New England AND Florida have “Tourist seasons” Both areas gain millions of $$$$$ from them, which keep the small businesses and “Locals” alive and well for next year. Now I am on the Florida “Panhandle” about halfway between Pensacola (P’cola) and Panama City (P.C.), but, believe it or not we have identical “Tourist Seasons”, June 1 to  Labor Day. In the “off season” we get “SNOW BIRDS”, (constantly in search of “2-fers”, discounts, and something for nothing!) You get snow, ice, shoveling, darkness,….and reality, (not to mention those 3 degree nights where you sit in front of the fireplace yearning to live down here, and yes we both wonder “If it’s tourist season I wonder how many I can bag?

But the thing we both have in common is “who the hell determines the “”Detours” and road and DPW (Department of Public Works) schedules for ROAD WORK ?”

Both select “TOURIST SEASON” to get it done DUH!!! What takes me 30 minutes to drive to during the “off season”,  now takes 60 minutes plus, I know you too huh?

Well I’m hoping you doing well, and will be going up there in September to visit our daughter, son-in-law, and fantastic Granddaughter Morgan. (Yes I love ‘em all, but about a mile from their house they got a place with FRIED CLAMS AND BEER,….(sigh)!!!

Be happy and keep living,….and help others!!


June 11, 2018

BTW (for you younger ones) yesterday was our 51st Wedding Anniversary, and I still love her as much as I did in 1967!!



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