The Emerald Rose

We were all about our business last Friday, Barbara was preparing to manage the third “Fish Fry” for our Parish that she was in charge of all the volunteers and filling all the roles, I was working on my computer trying to get my blog(s) all consolidated and referenced under one “blanket blog”. It was a less than typical Friday in Paradise here in Destin, Florida.

I was just getting going to do my usual errands, go to the post office, check on some cards for my daily “to Do” reminders, from the local UPS store, and then a couple of other frivolous odds and ends, and finally to meet with a couple of local friends for a “pint” and then home to a movie and a “Jimmy John Roast Beef Submarine ” sandwich, and wait for Barb to get home after the “Fish Fry”.

What we didn’t know was that in a town called Stevens Lake in Washington state events were unfolding that are virtually unbelievable and still completely unrealistic and hard to comprehend or process still. Our youngest son, “Jay” was at home with an earache, his wife Maria, and their two children, our Grandchildren, Ana age 8 and James David Jr. 11 months old. They had come to visit us this past May for a week. They loved the beaches and the Gulf of Mexico and played endlessly, We took them to the local Aquarium, they saw and played with huge tortoises and turtles, saw rays, dolphins, dozens of tropical fish and were thrilled at the Dolphin Show and Seals. We enjoyed both going out to eat with them, and cooking at home with them as well. Anna, the 8 year old doted on her little brother and he was a happy baby for it.

Well  that was then, now on this past Friday night the earache was turning into a headache on that side of his head, he couldn’t get to sleep, so he went out to his recliner to sit and sleep if he could, the headache got worse, but he did get some sleep. The next morning they went back to the Doctor who had given him ear drops and some decongestant, an said it probably become a sinus infection or such. They went home and the drops and decongestant did not help and soon he developed vertigo. They called the Doctor and he recommended they go to an urgent care facility, they did a few things and told them they weren’t sure what was going on, but go to the ER at the local Hospital, Providence Hospital in Everett Washington, and they would be better qualified to look at it and diagnose the problem and treat it. So they went there, and were thereby 1PM Saturday, and called to let us know, while the Doctors tried to figure it all out.

At 9:41pm his wife texted us that “the dr thinks it is a very bad and fast moving infection – they think meningitis, but more,..We don’t know as he has not been stable enough for further tests, since we got here at 1 (pm)”. (Apparently  his heartbeat and blood pressure were very high and fluctuating most of the day.) They decided to get a CT scan (computerized tomographic, or cross sectional multi image integrated picture, and possibly a spinal tap (to draw fluids from the spinal column to look for virus, bacteria, and other fast moving malevolent things), to further decide the proper diagnosis and treatment protocol. The CT scan showed nothing.

About midnight Saturday night, after the CT scan,  they decided they would have  to cancel the Spinal tap. They then opted for an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging test) to see what other things were lurking and then re-try the Spinal Tap. They got his Blood Pressure  to stabilize, by putting him on three BP med’s to try and keep him stable. He was also running a  high fever, which is further indication of infection.

At 1:49am during the MRI/Spinal Tap he had a heart attack and it took 10 minutes to resuscitate him, everything was stopped at that time to try and get him to stabilize. They put him on full life support, and indicated he needed the full support to try and stabilize and recover. At that point they “think” it was bacterial meningitis and his body was in “serious septic shock”, the fever persisted and it was not responding or” breaking”. They put him on heavy duty antibiotics,  but they still needed to get the spinal tap to be sure of the diagnosis and institute the proper treatment regimen for it.

By now both the immediate families had been in contact via texts (Praise God for technology, IT’S A BOON to everyone, BELIEVE ME!!). The Doctors were beginning to indicate it might be time to think about getting to Seattle to say goodbye to him. Our stalwart daughter-in-law, Maria , called for a conference call for two or three pm Sunday afternoon with all the Doctors and Nurses for a open and total discussion and status report of things. They had scheduled him for an EKG to check his heart and a Sonogram , more of an ultrasound , a non-invasive way to check the heart and arteries to check for vascular blockages or other problems that MAY be involved. A Neurologist was brought in, and they began backing him off the Blood Pressure mess, to which he was responding “OK”.

It was around that time that we found out he was actually in a coma! Not sedated, and not medically induced! The “Game Plan” was to get him healthier before re-trying the Spinal Tap again. A Cardiologist was also brought in to evaluate the heart and vascular system and any of those potential risks.

The conference occurred at 3:30 pm yesterday, Sunday February 12, 2017. We discussed EVERYTHING, the question was brought up of EEG (Electroencephalogram), non-invasive test to evaluate for electrical signals in the brain, (it’s method communicating to the body, it functions and electrical charges are transmitted even when we sleep, or in this case are in coma) . That was conducted and the results tended to indicate low or no transmissions in the brain stem (. That is the area that controls the autonomic nervous system, that which controls breathing, organ processing, i.e. Liver, Kidneys etc.,and all of the other “responses”, or automatic actions triggered without our direct intervention to make it happen. A second EEG was scheduled for late Sunday evening/ night or early Monday morning as well as a contrast test, (essentially injecting dye which will  show if there is “blood flow” in the targeted areas.  ( Obviously lack of blood flow and lack of bodily response would indicate a terminal situation or lack of functions, commonly called “being brain dead”.

Those tests were conducted this morning, and “full life support systems” are being kept up as several close personal friends were arriving to see him and say their goodbyes to him.

Hearing is assumed to be the last of our sensory perceptions to cease when we die, so since we could not possibly get there before late evening, 11pm , Seattle time , we asked our daughter-in-law, Maria, if she could hold a cell phone up to Jay’s ear for us and let us say our goodbyes, and “talk” to him privately, to which she agreed. And so we did for about a half an hour. It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives, and we struggled, but were able to hold, what we “hope” was a conversation with him albeit physically possibly only one way, but hopefully he understood and knew our love for him and our personal feelings for him, as his”Mom and Dad”, and how proud of him as a “Dad, Husband, and REAL person he was and how much we will miss him.

Two final comments for this segment;

1) DON’T wait to tell your children how much you love, and respect them, their life, and the way they have reacted and dealt with their life! Do it as often as you possibly can!!

2) Don’t EVER forget to be thankful, and tell your spouse how much they mean to you, and how much you love them as well, and how much the “greener pastures” of money, success, and the other things around us  are but a mythical manifestation that will  NEVER be a replacement for their true love. (My wife and I will celebrate 50 years of faithful marriage to each other this June 10th and are practicing Roman Catholics as well. There is a GOD and we trust our son now knows that now, and is being rewarded for being the Good Son, Great Dad, and Husband, and always navigated the world for the as the best man he could be!!)

If I can figure our the tech side of this I will attach a meaningful song ..this is my memory of “Jay”, and “afterlife”, The title, and it is on iTunes, is “Into the West” by Annie Lennox.

We love you, and will always miss you Jay- Mom and Dad

N.B.. The Doctors pronounced his death and on Valentines Day, removed  the ventilators and all other equipment. His heart subsequently stopped beating at 4:37 Pacific Standard Time.

There will be another blog coming soon of our memories and Jay’s life with us and beyond. Right now we too need a time to grieve, and process life without Jay. Truly a child conceived out of love.