Posted by: guinness222 | June 11, 2017

Instruction list: writing a “Bucket List”,……

We’ll keep this one very simple and as concise as I can, (don’t choke on your silly laughing please!).


1.  At thirty a bucket list is sort of a joke. Like “a hot date with ______”, or a”a winning lottery. Ticket for three Million Dollars!”, or some other similar silly thing, that will only happen in an “Oh shit!” Moment, and even then statistically you’ll blow it all in less than five years.

2.  At Forty, you think a little clearer, so it’s a “new Corvette”, or the like,….or if you’ve been working out and keeping in shape, “………a hot date with _______!” Then you forget the “living large dream ” and begin to hope for enough money to cover the kids college educations , or the appropriate insurance coverage to pay them all off before “Check out” time.

3.  At  Fifty, well it all gets a little clearer, the kids willl make it through college fine, the insurance will cover most of the debt you took on to get to this point, AND the damn hip is kicking up so we can forget the Corvette, Maserati, Porche, etc. With te kids college all done, the pain of getting in and out of a sports car taking that off the list, and just getting to 25years off so of Mariage “forgetting” to. go to the gym the past two years, and realizing you buy “loafers every time you get new shoes ,.”…hmmmm, I wonder why I do that?). There’s alway the hot date, but then you realize that  “sex symbol” you were lusting after is in her 50’s as well , and probably a facial cream and skin care regimen that costs more per week than you’re bar bill was in your 30’s!

N.B. (Latin for “Nota Bene” or Pay attention here.)  Reality is beginning to creep in on you right?  “All nighters are usually ending by 9:30pm, and exhaustion is setting in already. (Don’t forget to take your Aleve before you go to sleep,…. or you’ll be crawling like a child at 6:30 am when the alarm goes off!)

4. At Sixty it’s all about covering your health insurance so it won’t lapse on you, crossing off the days to retirement, or social security, and shifting you’re reading favorites to AARP, articles on the 49th upcoming Congressional Committee investigation into the price of pharmaceuticals. From the Box scores in the paper, to the final number the damn “broken scale” in the bathroom keeps going up too every day. And even the sub let’s of the mail begin to hit you! The junk mail used to come addressed to “Owner”, now it’s just “Occupant”!!! What the hell does that mean?. You start to add to you’re list, you get “….Hot date with” and then cross it off and write, “dinner with the wife at Applebee’s,….and please God no heartburn of acid reflux this time!”

5. At Seventy you become very aware of the amount of Governmet control in your life! The Social Security Check, won’t even cover groceries, Car Insurance and gasoline, ( which car will we sell the Ford Focus, or the Toyota “box”?)  And That damn scale in the bathroom gets “wonkier and wonkier every damn week, there’s no way I’m that heavy , wish we could afford a new scale! 9sigh).

6. At Eighty it is not worth remembering where I put the dam Bucket List, let alone updating it, can’t read my own writing anyway! But life is good it’s still me and my ride of fifty years a warm home, don’t need a car, can’t pass the vision test anyhow. Grand kids and their kids (great grand kids come by some times, and I should have taken up “napping” years ago! Plus if you turn in at 6 at night you”d be amazed how much you save in the electric bill each month, except for the times you have to go pee on the hour every hour. Is tomorrow Sunday? ,…..gotta remember to go to church!!

7. At Ninety,….”What the hell is a bucket list, got two in the cellar,….help yourself  I don’t need’em any more! Thanks for dropping by,………what was your name again,

“Note to self, “What did I ever use them buckets for anyhow?,,,,,,,,Oh yeah some kind of a List or something.”

Time for my nap,….see. You later!

(Excuse me,…This is God, and as Robin Williams once said,…..”You table for one is ready,….follow me, this way.)


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