The Emerald Rose

Little more than a week, but hey!,…..I’m retired,….not. Dead, …but that is the 2017 synonym for  “still unemployed”!!

Well so much for a legacy of a “career”,….it’s really B/S anyway! Unless you are willing to wallow in the mud with the rest of the hogs, (oooops! It is 2017,…and the pigs!) I remembered business and jobs as being competitive and open to all. Ever try and read some of these job descriptions? I have a hard time believing Adonis, The mighty Zeus, or even the “BIG GUY” himself, Jesus Christ, could ever fill one of them out to a 50% level, or even explain to a Harvard “B” school grad what tha “ad” was saying!

About fifty some odd years ago I was having a drink with a friend after work in a stuffy old Boston, Massachusetts Pub one day in the “Financial area” at a local hangout and excellent meeting place, (today called a “networking opportunity”). We were lamenting how hard it was to find a good position as the Classified ads ( The base and highly read, circled and responded to, source of jobs ( before “Zip Recruiters” and the like were even on the radar, let alone “on computer, were getting “source” for job seekers, …. and ,the questions and interviewers, (let alone this new category of “Human Resources” experts and that entire “herd” had entered the employment path arena!) Back to a rainy afternoon in a Pub,….

“Hey, ” he asked, “ever hear of a buzzword generator?”

“No,” I replied, “what the hell is that, one of those new ‘computer things’?

“No,.but it’s easy,”, he answered, ” I’ll show you how to make one”, and he grabbed a bar napkin.

“First you draw two lines down a page, and it creates three columns, then label them “1,  2, and 3″.  Then, say it’s an bank, or other financial type job you are interested in, write ten words used in that industry under each column. ”

“,….and then what?” I asked, getting a little confused as to how I could get a job from this “buzzword” thingy!

“Then pick one word from each column, put them together as a phrase and use them in a sentence. Watch , I’ll show you.” And he circled the word “relative”, in the first column, “determination” in the second column, and finally “rationale” from the third column.

“See?, now put them together, as the phrase, ‘relative determination rationale”, in a sentence, using a positive tone. As an example like, ‘Obviously it will depend on the RELATIVE DETERMINATION RATIONALE, you are searching to obtain!,…’ Get it?”

He looked at me like I. Was an idiot,…..and that is what I felt like I was! “What the hell does it mean?” I replied to him.

“That’s the point the person you’re interviewing with, particularly if they are one of those ‘Human Resources folks’, because they have no damn ideas what you’re talking about or what it means either, and if they ask you just look like you’ve just been asked to spell “DOG”, and create your own answer, but keep it totally vague. They already told you they don’t know what it is, and if you stay vague BUT APPEAR to know like it’s the easiest concept on earth, they willl eventually smile and say, “You really seem to know your trade, actually I’m in Human Resurces, so I don’t know, but I like your attitude, we could really use more folks that know the terms and are that comfortable with them,….it is obviously that type of a detailed job.”

DING, DING, DING! You just moved on to the next round up the ladder to employment. And even if she tells the next guy up about the RELATIVE DETERMINATION RATIONALE”, he’s not the guy with the authority to hire, but another “knock out” robot, and he is only 40% higher in grey matter than the Human Resources person, but will realize, whoever you are you are pretty sharp, so even out of curiosity, he’ll ask you for an interview, (he also knows the HR Robots are simply supposed to check if you’re a child molester, a paroled killer, a “dead-beat Dad” or a “bum”,….that’s it!

In interview number two if you sense his skepticism make a comment like, “Well you and I both know the HR folks are nice,…BUT,…” leave it hanging and smile like you and he understand the knockout round, and you are sharper than that …..like him.

If he brings up the definition of the “RELATIVE DETERMINATION RATIONALE”, you should be able to talk your way out of the specifics and provide a simplified answer of general knowledge in the field so he can somewhat understand you simply worded a simple thing differently, just explains each word,…..let him link them and you have a 60-75% chance of moving on to the third and final round with ” A DECISIONMAKER”.

We have really become way to complex and carried away with our self importance, simply get this point across with the decisionmaker, …”tell me what you want done, tell me if you have a formula or “methodology” to make that information work, and how do I play into that as a new employee, and I can do it!!”

You want a job,…ASK FOR IT,….positively,….not like jello that quivers, like most job seekers have a penchant to do!

My son used to be an SEO specialist, (How’s that for a ‘handle’, and definition of the job title of a “SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMALIZATION” expert! What is that? Talk about a buzzword generator! As  he explained it to me , he got paid to play on the internet and see if a “client” had exposure and how much exposure, ad comments, he had been getting on the internet. Then the guru’s would reccommend ways to increase his exposure and ergo his income,…..FOR A FEE!!

So why am I unemployed? I play on the internet, most of these places have “self designed” ad programs, and they look it, that are as impressive as a two mile walk to the men’s room, (or ladies room), and has a take a number system. Or the other side of the coin they are so “slick”, so professionally done, with phenomenal art word, ” voice overs”, and really smooth closes, they cost a fortune, they are proven, they win awards, ( from the advertising trade groups the vendor belongs too!). They obviously tripped someone’s “trigger” and walked away with a big score and probably a promotion for them selves, and a “bunch o’ bucks” for their own company.

Stop overthinking things and simplify your life!!! Trust me none

Just a thought!!

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