Posted by: guinness222 | February 27, 2019

……when did “batteries become HUMAN?????

“By lessening battery stress and monitoring battery health, doubling battery longevity is a reasonable expectation. Most phone batteries are rated at 500 charging cycles, but that can be increased to 1000. And battery life isn’t the only thing that can be improved. As a battery charges and recharges, it enlarges in size, gaining perhaps 10 percent in volume. Intelligent battery management can cut that swelling in half.”

Quoted from a tech -mail that had me rolling on the floor. The “implied” statement was that batteries have been exceeded by the demands we make on them!

After I finished laughing my butt off and quasi calmed down here’s a few thought from me, enjoy!

As a child virtually all toys had disclaimers on the package with the familiar note that “……Batteries not included!” OK so my parents clearly knew the situation. Said toy was useless unless it had batteries,….hence in today’s mindset, made the parents clearly liable in a class action suit if the child subsequently developed an inferiority complex or was evidenced with “damaging, or destructive behavior” or God forbid any violent act as a result of not being able to adequately “recreate” with the toy.

I’m sure the Ninth District Court of Appeals would find for the 7 year old child, through the “Twinkie” attorney, (and of course their “Pro Bono” staff )and at a minimum, order a lifetime ticket to Disneyland as well as all Park tickets without restriction, including meals and transportation!

Seriously is it MY responsible to “…lessen the stress” on a stupid battery,….and “…monitor the battery(s) health”! But the article says it’s “…a reasonable expectation.”

Furthermore it states that “….battery life isn’t the only thing that can be improved. As a battery charges and recharges, it enlarges in size, gaining perhaps 10% in volume.”

But just like the “batteries not included” warning , it adds, “intelligent battery management can cut that swelling in half!”

NOW to the interpretational factor! If the same article were on,…..let’s say sexual performance and equipment,….we maybe I could agree with it,…..but I don’t even know where to find a “”Battery Doctor”, now I could always ask my wife or a significant other to “monitor the battery health (and render an opinion ) on the “doubling battery longevity”to determine if it is in fact achieving it’s “reasonable expectation”!

Now every time you look at a battery in the future ask yourself, your wife, or “significant other” these questions;

1) if it’s too stressed how can I help it get back to the way it used to be ……

2) Can you “recharge it” enough to get it to to “enlarge in size, gaining perhaps 10% in volume”

HOWEVER BE CAREFUL as the article says, overcharging can occur, and will result in “intelligent battery management can cut the swelling in half!”

This should bring a smile to your face, and a laugh for the rest of your romantic life as well as your cell phone!!!

“The Battery Doctor”


February 27, 2019

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